Archive for November, 2010

The Phillies’ acquisition machine has been decommissioned for now; lying dormant in that warehouse where they put the Ark of the Covenant, waiting for its chance to rev to life and arrange a three-team trade from nowhere.

It is Seattle, America’s flooded sub basement.

Whatever. Enjoy your disgusting soggy cereal.

Help them before I buy the Rock Band key-tar and then hurl it against the wall. I’ll do it.

It had him bouncing around, like, six different teams. Maybe less. Five. I can’t remember. Exact numbers can be tough

He’s lukewarmly versatile, he plays hard, and he’s not a dick. When does that combination of qualities not get you a chance? Constantly

He’s worn 10 different colors–six in 2002-05 alone. Does this mean he is a spineless mercenary, grizzled from years of endless war and eroded faith in humanity?

Now if somebody could please bring me some of the infield dirt, I can get back to Tom Sizemore-ing myself.

But the Phillies are my real family, isn’t that right, not-at-all-kidnapped Phillies players?

More fuel has been added to the furious cross-state rivalry that has never existed in the current era.