Domonic Brown Goes to Play Winter Ball; Doesn’t

Tadahito Iguchi was one of the many Phillies players to have an long U sound in his last name.  Therefore, he required a minimal amount of clutch hits or defensive plays to have the crowd sound like its chanting “OOOOOOOOOOOO” and give him the “It sounds like we’re booing but we’re not ha ha” treatment that would one day be commonplace for Raul Ibanez and Carlos Ruiz.

He joined up in 2007 when Chase Utley was hand-broken, did marginally well, and was sent on his way.  He was an adequate temporary replacement and bench player who held our hands through some tough times.  Well, mainly his appeal was that the White Sox handed him over and all it really cost the Phillies was some magic beans.

All it cost Rich Dubee was his son.

Michael Dubee, the young pitching prospect swapped out for the backup infielder, is pitching just fine.  The Pirates left him outside of Rule 5 protection to be picked apart by wolves, even though he had a sparkling year with the Altoona Curve.  Now he’s down in the Dominican actually playing baseball (13 K’s in 14 innings), which is more than you can say about Domonic Brown.

Dom is slowly watching time run out on his time in the Dominican with Escogido, a team specifically picked by the calculating brain trust of Phillies brass and Scott Boras.  He hasn’t gotten to … do … anything yet.  The team’s got less than 30 games left on its schedule and Dom wants to be home by Christmas.

[Yardbarker]

So.

That’s weird.

Unless there was some roving lunatic out there to buy into the theories from NBC Sports that because Esogido’s manager is ex-Mets first base coach and current president of the Order of Ballplayers with Hideous Last Names, Ken Oberkfell, he’s keeping the Phillies prospect from seeing any real playing ti–

Of course that’s what’s happening here!  Are you people blind?!  He’s allowing our perfect new right fielder to sit there and rot until he’s mushy and full of spider eggs like a weeks-old pumpkin.  Oberkfell is the current Mets Triple-A manager and was just interviewed as a candidate to be the next Mets manager.  He also loves beards and was such a poor hitter, he made former Houston Chronicle reporter Neil Hohlfield “…slap the table and roar with laughter.”

The point is, you don’t have to be a shut-in who only urinates in pickle jars because the toilet’s been wired to figure out what’s happening here.  Ken Oberkfell is a sleeper agent for the Mets Espionage Death Squad who has been raucously activated to sabotage our off season development.

More on this story after I rob my paper boy at gunpoint to get the money for airfare to the Dominican.