Carlos Ruiz is Your 17th Runner-up for NL MVP

16 places ahead of Chooch was Cincinnati Red and Etobicokean Joey Votto, who apparently did some things of merit in the National League this season.

To celebrate, Votto first said that fellow-MVP contender Carlos Gonzalez wasn’t great.

"“There are only five or six great players in our game. The rest are very good. That’s not a commentary on us. I just don’t like using that word. Albert is the great player. Myself and Carlos Gonzalez are learning how to be Major Leaguers and establish ourselves.”"

Then he claimed that his secret to success was the complete elimination of human weakness.

"“I really made a point last year to try and nip all of my weaknesses in the bud.”"

Then he swore he wouldn’t stop until every last one of Albert Pujols’ awards were on his mantel.

"“Albert won the Gold Glove, and it’d be kind of cool to win one of those, too.”"

Your other top ten Phillies finishes were Roy Halladay (6th), Ryan Howard (8th), and Jayson Werth (10th), who I guess is still on the Phillies somehow, even though I imagine him floating around in team-limbo, confused and terrified of what’s happening to him.  WE WILL SAVE YOU JAYSON JUST SIGN THE ARBITRATION AGREEMENT HA HA HA.

…

He won’t, though.