In an attempt to discredit this world famous blog, Japan’s Daily Sports Online tricked me into saying that minor league deals had been struck between the Phillies and Shigetoshi Yamakita and Naoyo Okamoto, which, of course, they have not. Which means that if the most that’s going on here really is just some passing interest, the lefty-depth I was speaking of has disappeared like a city’s hopes and dreams under two feet of ice cold precipitation.

Ah, yes. Was there a more golden age for advanced metalworking than the bronze? Ah ha, ha, ha.

But in other, more important news, we shall discuss a seven foot man.

Over $20,000 worth of nostalgia is fueling the efforts getting a seven foot bronze Harry Kalas statue constructed outside of Citizens Bank Park.  The artist behind it, Lawrence Nolan, is moving the process right along since I last put up info on the classy, dignified project back in November, coupled with a story full of jokes about Jamie Moyer’s groin.

Since then, Nolan has finished the 20-inch model on which the statue will be based, and had it scanned in order to construct the same thing, but bigger.

Being the first statue outside of CBP that will be put there by the fans and not the team itself, it isn’t even really official that Harry the K will be accepted as part of the property.  The Phillies organization is merely waiting to see what it looks like before a final decision is cast.  It is supposed to be of Harry in his traditional jacket and shoes, standing over home plate with a Richie Asbhurn edition Louisville Slugger.  Honestly, he could be standing over a plaque that reads “PHILLIES SUCK LOL” and you’d still have a hard time saying no to it.

But, we’ll see.  In the mean time, Mike Schmidt, you keep signing autographs to raise money for the project and I’ll stay here and write it about it sometimes.  We’re all doing our parts.

And Brad Lidge’s car fire of a 2009 season spreads further still into the offseason.

Beerleaguer asked Phillies GM Ruben Amaro Jr. to handicap the race between Antonio Bastardo and Sergio Escalona last night during the Winter Tour stop in Reading. “Bastardo was lights out yesterday in the Dominican,” Amaro said.

-Shakedown Sports.com

Well, That Balls Outta Here asked Ruben Amaro if he thought that using Brad Lidge’s nickname to describe Antonio Bastardo would cause clubhouse drama, and he said “I have never heard of you, stop calling my house or I’ll have you arrested.  Wait, aren’t you that guy who keeps sending Shane Victorino Photo-Shopped collages of the two of you spending the day in an amusement park?”

So, you know. We all got mad journalism skills.

"Also, questions are normally asked at a press conference, not after waiting in the backseat of my car all day."

No, I don’t think this will be like an actual… thing… in the Phillies locker room, and yes, “lights out” is a common phrase for a pitcher who’s capable of shutting down the offense, but you can pick different words than that.  I can’t be the only one to see that.

“Lights Out” appeared on the jumbotron even when Brad was allowing runs so plentifully he may as well have jogged from the bullpen to the scoreboard controls and saved some time.  If somebody like Brett Myers had said something about a new pitcher being “lights out” as a reliever, it definitely would have been characterized as a snarky little bitching.

But, I guess that’s why Ruben Amaro is the GM of a World Series championship baseball team and Brett Myers is making baseless threats in a Houston Astros uniform.

STRAY BULLETS

• Text message received during Super Bowl:  ”Who’s running the Saints’ offense, FEMA?  Ha ha, tragedy.”
• This is the first year I saw more of the Puppy Bowl than the Super Bowl… and it was freaking hilarious.  At one point, they switched to a “hamster-eye view” from the blimp and there was a tiny blimp above the puppies with hamsters in it. Ha ha ha, what the hell?!
• Look for my thoughts on Cliff Lee tomorrow on Hot Stove (link takes you to the last time I did this).  I will basically be repeating everything Hal Bodley thinks on the subject because he is a genius.

And here come the lefties.

Ruben Amaro’s on a bit of a tear this week, fattening up the minors with some pitching talent that many have been complaining is all but gone.  Truly, it could have been said that if somebody shook the farm system a few weeks ago, it would have sounded like a pebble inside an empty soda can.  And that pebble was Dominic Brown.

But now, everybody’s in talks for a minor league contract.  At least, everybody Ruben’s deemed worthy, and it’s been proven the guy’s an exact-o-knife for talent.

I... I love Japanese baseball.

This time, it’s not a victim of Tommy John surgery or a former Yankee with the speed of a ravenous pit bull locked in on a basket of kittens.  Two Japanese pitchers, just released by their own club, the Yokohama Bay Stars, are being mulled over by the Phillies brass.

Shigetoshi Yamakita and Naoyo Okamoto are our newest additions; lefties, both of them.  Which is good, because with Scott Eyre choosing his family over baseball (LAME) and J.C. Romero recovering from the chopping block past Opening Day, a left handed reliever is a precious commodity for us these days.  Obviously, younger talent will come into play here, probably in the form of Antonio Bastardo or Sergio Escalona.  We’ll have to wait and see who blows management’s doors off at Spring Training.

The 32-year-old Yamakita was 2-1 with a 2.67 ERA, while Okamoto, 26, went 1-0 with a 5.28 ERA.  But really, right now, the important thing is which arm they use to throw the ball.

So Ruben’s finding a way to fill the gaps, whether it be with people already in the farm system, people being brought into the farm system, and then there’s always a lost and found of elder statesmen available for some left-handed relief, if it comes to that.

Harking back to my earlier post regarding the Phillies signing an ex-Yankee to a minor league contract, and all the  joy I was blue balled in his unrecognizability (UPDATE: Not a word), let me just update by saying that mayhaps it was the Yankees who’s balls will be blue.  With regret.

Why is everyone on this team named "Orange"?

In a Carribean Series game, Freddy Guzman not only snared three bases in one game, he also managed to score the winning run.  By stealing home.

The roadrunner gave the Domincan Republic’s Escogido a 3-2 win over Venezuela’s Leones del Caracas.

Is it too early to give Ruben Amaro props for this signing?  Yes.  But it’s not too early to give Freddy Guzman props, because apparently, he’s a dust cloud or three away from any base at any time.

Beep, beep.

“Minor league contracts” appear to now be the chief form of currency in the Philadelphia Phillies organization.  The latest on the receiving end of a deal is Oscar Villareal, a 28-year-old reliever, didn’t play in 2009 because he was getting over his Tom… my… John… surgery.

What the hell?

Is TJ way more common than I thought or is Ruben Amaro going out of his way to take in guys who feared they may never pitch again?  Not that I’m assuming these guys aren’t capable of doing their jobs (Especially Mathieson), but with all these ex-Tommy John-ers in play, the farms system’s going to start feeling like the Humane League.

LET'S GO 'TOPES

2006 was Villareal’s most terifiyng year in baseball, as with the Braves, we went 9-1 with a 3.61 ERA, as opposed to 2008, when he… didn’t do those things.

Also handed Minor league contracts?  Brian Gordon (RHP), Brian Mazone (LHP) (this guy was voted “Most Spectacular Pitcher in Triple-A” in 2006), Luis Maza (2B) (and this guy played for the real life Albuquerque Isotopes, which is more funny than impressive) and John Purdom (C), according to the Inquirer.

This Brian Gordon character, while playing in the Venezuelan Winter League, once faced down his team’s rivals with 9 K’s and allowing one run.  The crowd was so into him that they chanted his name after the game and wouldn’t stop until he came back on the field and kissed a team jersey.  I had a similar experience in tee ball, but only I had blown the game, and the crowd was chanting for me to come back out on the field so our coach could smack me across the face with one of his cleats.

I… I deserved it.