The Mets signing Jason Bay is like a man hiring a contract killer to take out his wife, but putting him in Citi Field is like telling him he has to do it with a spoon.

We’ve all got jobs to do. Ryan hits the home runs, Shane throws guys out at home, Chase gets the ladies, Jayson gets the freakier ladies, Carlos lets dudes run into at him going 40 mph, and I sit in this chair and mock all of them they’re better at sports than me and the envy is literally eating me alive from the inside out.

He is a defensive shortstop; not one of these lead-off, walk off double-smashing, earthquake-evading, National League MVP’s we may have become used to seeing between second and third base in Philadelphia.

So, we get who can only be a quicker, chippier, thinner Phillies manager in 2010, and his name is still Charlie Manuel.

I guess that’s why Hal Bodley’s the senior MLB correspondent: A+ analysis of wishes.

It looked like Dutch was getting twenty of my dollars. Round one to him.

For the second year in a row, arbitration is avoided with all eligible Phillies. I feel at ease. I’m sure Carlos Ruiz and the Phillies (the people actually… involved… in the process) feel close to the same thing.

B.J. wasn’t bringing dead birds into school in his backpack and screaming at them; he was proving himself a phenom, capable of slamming the door shut on a team late in the game.

Image courtesy of http://blog.pennlive.com

And thus, the NL East chess game continues: The Phillies bring out a rook, and the Mets, after thinking pensively for five minutes, knock all the pieces on the floor and go to bed muttering.