Lookin’ Good, Charlie


My theory on going to the gym has always been, “If a 66-year-old man won’t do it, then why should I?”

Does it advocate health?  No.  Does it make sense?  Of course not.  Does it keep me from losing a tooth on the treadmill again?  Yes.  And that’s why it’s the rule.

Of course, now that Charlie Manuel is a dapper gent about town, I’m going to have to rethink my mantra.

First of all, do you know how many health issues the man has gone through? Let’s make it a multiple choice question. Which of the following medical issues has Charlie Manuel experienced?  A.)  A heart attack B.)  Kidney cancer C.) Another heart attack D.)  Quadruple bypass.

The answer, obviously, is E.)  All of the above.

Wow.  And now he’s dropped 58 pounds through Nutrisystem, the company responsible for those ridiculous commercials where Dan Marino flirts with Don Schula and makes everybody at your Super Bowl party really uncomfortable, and going to the gym.

The gym?! Damn it!  Do you know how much of a struggle it was for me not to lick the grease off the Foreman Grill last night?!  An embarrassingly large one!

So, we get who can only be a quicker, chippier, thinner Phillies manager in 2010, and his name is still Charlie Manuel.  If Cole Hamels didn’t work his ass off this offseason, he’s got no reason to feel uninspired.  Because if he’s sitting on the bench after allowing seven runs in three innings, all he’s got to do is look up at the 228 pound role model leaning on the dugout steps.

And as for the Yankees?  “We can beat them.”

Go for the jugular, Charlie.  See you at the gym.  But I am not going near the treadmill.  Dentist’s orders.