Phast Phive: Once and Phor All


Justin Klugh

Rumor had it the Phillies were sneaking their hands under Roy Halladay’s shirt, trying to find his off switch.

Shockingly, he didn’t care for this.

Terrible season aside, Roy Halladay isn’t one to give up on things, whether that be the 2012 Phillies or his own body.  I’m sure he doesn’t have delusions of playoffs; that his mind, stained by the signs of aging and unraveling of his plan (Step 1. Go to Philly Step 2. Win World Series Step 3. Return to Amazon, kill anaconda once and for all Step 4. Use anaconda carcass to strangle enemies to death Step 5. Ice cream) isn’t creating a fevered world where he must pitch for the good of the team.

But, basically, he’s not shutting down for any reason.  Roy Halladay is going to pitch, and honestly, I’d love to see the front office intern they send down to tell him other wise walk out of the clubhouse without a dead anaconda wrapped around his neck.

Meanwhile, Dom Brown is not only hitting second, he’s also part of the 2013 outfield equation.  Which, by the way, is totally a thing.  You may have thought that with two of our three outfield positions being shipped out, that we’d given up on the concept of outfielding entirely.

We have, for the time being.  But with free agents everywhere, and some of them close enough to 30 that Ruben Amaro would sign them long term, the landscape will likely be shifting even further.  MAYBE IT WILL INCLUDE SHANE VICTORINO sorry I’ve got stop letting that come out of my brain.  Which is, hey, good news for Shane.

Apparently he’s already happy again.

Ethan Seidel

Tim Stoeckle at Bleacher Report made an interesting list of players the team can build around. They  range from thef obvious (Hamels) the wishful thinking (Dom Brown) to the intriguing (Josh Hamilton). I don’t think the Phillies would fork over the money required to bring in Hamilton, but fiscal responsibility isn’t exactly their M.O.

Remember the number 257. That is the streak of consecutive sellouts that cam to an end last night. While it could be viewed by some as the sign that we are headed back into the dark ages, it should be heralded as a major accomplishment. It I the 3rd longest such streak in MLB history. No one can say Phillies fans aren’t some of the best in the game.

*Note: No group of Yankees fans ever reached 257!

John Stolnis

Like most of the rational, clear-headed members of the Phillies blog-o-sphere, I never really believed the Phillies were seriously considering trading Cliff Lee after they put him on waivers. But apparently, the Dodgers tried to make Ruben’s decision-making process a little harder for him. According to CBS Sports’ Jon Heyman, it was the Dodgers that put a claim on Lee, with Amaro realizing that giving Lee away strictly for salary relief was a bad idea.

The Dodgers apparently also tried numerous trade proposals, but Amaro was looking for a team to take on Lee’s salary AND give back Major League-ready prospects in return. In other words, Amaro wanted L.A. to take all of Lee’s salary, AND trade them Matt Kemp, AND Clayton Kershaw, AND Chavez Ravine. Hey, motivated buyers, right?

The bad news is, the Phillies sell-out streak ended on Monday night against the Atlanta Braves. The good news, fans are still coming to the ballpark in big numbers, according to the Phils. And hey, if you can’t trust the Phillies on information like this, then who can you trust. In other words… ALL IS WELL! (Also in that link is a blurb stating that Placido Polanco isn’t close to being ready to return to action. Seriously, if he were a horse, the trainer would have taken him out behind the barn and shot him by now.

And finally, on this day, the Chicago White Sox introduced the greatest uniform invention in modern Major League history. Baseball shorts. Can’t you just imagine Roy Halladay rocking out a pair of these babies? All the ladies would love to see Chase Utley’s gams. If only Pat Burrel were still around. He’s probably got biceps on his ankles.