Phast Phive: Not Phunny


Even nature insinuated a staunch anti-Phillies stance last night, not only raining out the game, but apparently striking the stadium with lightning, causing a brief evacuation notice to appear on the jumbo torn which was, of course, ignored by everyone.


Justin Klugh

And in today’s news from an alternate reality, here’s this kid prancing around in a World Series Champions 2008 Tampa Bay Rays t-shirt, reminding us all that the threads of dignity to which we cling were at one point very much not a reality.

So, we all think what is probably our 50 or 60th daily thought about the 2008 World Series, let us appreciate not only the legacy that we are apart of, but also that as that legacy limps through 2012, we have precious, precious alcohol to calm our nerves and silence our families.  Why, the Newark Iron Hill Brewery can help us with both, offering both beer and Phillies simultaneously, via their cleverly monikered drink selections.  But why worry?  With radical new theories surfacing, the Phillies may turn this thing around just yet.

I mean we all know how receptive management is to change.  What’s that?   I believe the staff motto is still “Brad Lidge is our closer?”

John Stolnis

Charlie Manuel has some nerve. I mean, really, the cojones on this guy are something else. I mean, can you believe he wants his players toplay hard, hustle and run out EVERY ball they hit? I mean, EVERY ball??? Really, Charlie? The unmitigated gall. You gotta love Charlie’s comment about Shane Victorino, who noted that the centerfielder did a good job beating out an infield hit on Wednesday night, which kept alive a 9th inning rally that eventually won the game for the Phils.

“I remember,” Manuel said, his fingers clawing at the netting, “when my centerfielder ran out every ball like that.”


Moving on, former Phils pitcher Curt Schilling was in the news this week. Remember that video game company he created? You don’t? Well, that’s part of the reason why his company collapsed in a spectacular heap recently. Schilling was forced to lay off his entire workforce, about 300 workers, and apparently blew all the money he saved during his baseball career, about $50 million. Friends, THAT’S a bad investment. Perhaps Curt and Lenny Dykstra had the same money advisers. There’s no truth to the rumor that Pete Incaviglia is now living in a cardboard box in Tempe, Arizona somewhere.

And finally, there’s no real way to make this funny, so we’ll play it straight. Even though Jimmy Rollins isn’t a very good player anymore, very important people like Vice President Joe Biden want him to do PSAs. So, here’s the PSA he did with other athletes and the Vice President about violence against women. It’s actually a great thing Jimmy did. Bravo, James.

Ethan Seidel

Curt Schilling lost his fair share of games pitching in a Phillies uniform, but none as bad as his financial losses. Schilling’s video game company went belly up, along with his personal finances. I hope ESPN pays well…

Bill Baer makes a startling comparison between this years team and the 1964 team that made a historic collapse to miss the playoffs. At least this year’s team is getting the collapsing over with early (the resemblance is uncanny!)