Reading Phillies More Undefeated Than Ever


Going unnoticed in most of this season is that the Reading Phillies are currently barreling through the Eastern League with a 5-0 record, disregarding the “wither and die” philosophy currently being applied to the Big Club’s offensive strategy.

Tyson Gillies was the latest hero, offering a 3-for-5 night, scoring three times and knocking in two runs against the New Hampshire Fisher Cats.  He is now seven for his last ten, with six runs.  So he’s hitting .389, which is incredible.  Sure, it’s a tiny sample size.  But what a sample.

And what a story, given the grim news that keeps surfacing about the Phillies from Philadelphia.  We can’t even decide which horrible thing appearing on the horizon we should panic about first.  But meanwhile, the undefeated R-Phils keep motoring through, thanks not only to Tyson Gillies and his fun rhyming name (it rhymes with Phillies!), but also those Baby Aces, who are like our real aces, only younger, but not actual babies like you thought.  That would be ridiculous.

In the above painfully unseeable image I’ve included, we can view the stats of our R-Phils aces.  Sure, Trevor May’s ERA kind of makes your eyes bulge for a second.  But he’s also got the lowest WHIP and the highest strikeouts.  Also the highest walks and earned runs, too.  Look, the point is, the team is winning.  And because all records of Reading Phillies baseball before 1988 were destroyed that one time (seriously) (EDIT: Not seriously), we have no choice but to announce this as the greatest start in team history.

It’s good for our youth movement to know what it’s like to receive potent run support, so that when they get to the Majors, they have a crushing sense of defeat to counter balance their enthusiasm for making it to The Show.  Then, they will be nice an emotionally scrambled before their first start, right where we want them.  Or whatever.

This success, like the Phillies’ momentary crock of shit, is probably temporary.  It’s a long season, which continues tonight at 6:35 .  But it is nice to have a successful minor league team to turn to in the wake of another offensively-gutted loss.  Plus, they’re having a bunch of beer festivals in Reading this year! Citizens Bank Park is just having the one on May 5, and they don’t even let you run around on the field after 8-10 beers like I thought.