Ryan Howard Receiving Shot to Make Him Even More Powerful
By Justin Klugh
“Even more powerful” in this case meaning “back to normal levels of power.”
They say the Achilles is the Achilles of the human body. There’s a reason you shouldn’t be shot in it with an arrow. Yes; that lesson can be applied to most body parts, but no others have been so historically documented as the Achilles.
The Phillies haven’t been 2011 NL East champs for very long, so it’s understandable if Ryan wants to continue celebrating by injecting cortisone into his tendon. Is it just a further sign that this team can barely handle the rigors of the regular season? That maybe the reason they were so dedicated to winning to quickly was that they knew their old bones, muscles, and bowels wouldn’t be able to withstand the pressure of 162 games?
I don’t know how much stock you want to put in a theory I came up with literally as I was typing the sentence before it, but it actually makes tons of sense. Will the Phillies enter the playoffs duct taped together, with Ross Gloads and John Bowkers falling off the back?
The point is, though, that cortisone masks the pain so that it is able to be played through. We, too, must take a cortisone shot to the mind in order to reach levels of denial unseen since Achilles was walking around with that arrow in his foot, assuring people he was totally fine.
Surely you’ve seen Ryan run the bases lately. Well, maybe you haven’t, because for awhile there he was refusing to get on base. When he did, though, ho boy. Was he never not moving at top speed. As we’ve discussed before, Ryan’s ankle problem is caused by “bursitis,” which in turn is caused by “being older than anyone wants you to be.”
At least no one known for being cryptic and secretive is making it sound like Ryan may or may be executed some time soon.
"“I’m not sure what they’re going to shoot him with, but probably something like cortisone.”–Ruben Amaro"
Who put that quote there? Right after the sentence I wrote that seemed to indicate the exact opposite?!