Great News for Anyone Concerned About Kyle Kendrick’s Clothes

Even though we told them not to worry about it, police in Washington were making a routine traffic stop when they noticed the driver happened to be wearing a 2008 National League Championship ring despite not being a 2008 National League Champion.

The Phillies made their own fictional efforts to track down the thieves, but here in real life, the cops had taken down no less than five suspects, thanks to phoned-in tips and the traditional statewide manhunt that occurs when a subpar professional athlete’s belongings go missing.

And clearly the issue was eating away at Kyle; otherwise his performance the other night that I am totally not dwelling on would have ended 1-2-3 instead of !-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-humiliating loss.

But wait!  The police found the clothes and the appliances and and Kyle’s first home run ball, because apparently at some point Kyle Kendrick has hit a home run.  But the World Series Ring continues to elude police.  There seems to be enough trouble in Everett, Washington with the union disputes and war criminals running through the streets, but Kyle seems to have a contingency of officers at his disposal, because let’s face it; in 30 years, if he doesn’t have that ring to whip out and show people, no one is going to believe its real.