Which iconic Christmas figures are these Phillies?

Phillie Phanatic drives Santa Clause to celebrate Christmas in July (Bill Streicher/USA TODAY Sports)
Phillie Phanatic drives Santa Clause to celebrate Christmas in July (Bill Streicher/USA TODAY Sports) /
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Which iconic Christmas characters are these Philadelphia Phillies?

It’s supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, but the MLB lockout and coronavirus pandemic are certainly trying to change that.

So on this Christmas Day, let’s have some fun. We’ve assigned Philadelphia Phillies to to iconic Christmas characters.

Merry Christmas!

The Grinch: Rob Manfred

Not technically a Phillie, but the commissioner of baseball’s prioritization of money over baseball is eerily similar to the Grinch wanting to ruin Christmas for the Whos down in Whoville, and the MLB lockout definitely feels he stole Christmas from us. Don’t hold out hope for Manfred’s heart to grow three sizes, though.

Honorable mentions: Ebenezer Scrooge, Krampus, Buddy’s dad Walter in ELF, Mr. Potter from It’s a Wonderful Life

Santa Claus: Dave Dombrowski

Dave Dombrowski knows which of his players have played bad or good, and they better be good for their career’s sake. Hopefully, he’s not watching his players when they’re sleeping, though; that would be creepy.

Dasher: Matt Vierling

Dasher is known for being one of Santa’s fastest reindeer, and the Phillies rookie was their fastest man on the basepaths in 2021 (min. 25 opportunities), with a sprint speed of 29.2 ft/sec. He was the only Phillies baserunner with sprint speed over 29+ ft/sec.

Dancer: the Phanatic

Dancer is described as a great dancer with colorful clothes who loves a good part. Sounds just like the greatest mascot in sports.

Honorable mentions: Buddy the Elf

Prancer: Andrew McCutchen

Andrew McCutchen brought style, swagger, and amazing energy to the Phillies. Likewise, Prancer is known as the most stylish and loyal reindeer.

Vixen: Zack Wheeler

The coolest, calmest, most collected reindeer sounds a lot like Wheeler, who was an absolute monster on the mound in 2021, despite never getting the distinctions he deserved for his performance. He led MLB in innings pitched, complete games, and shutouts, and led the NL in strikeouts.

Comet: Bryce Harper

Comet is a star, and so is Bryce Harper. The Phillies superstar led MLB in doubles, slugging, OPS, and OPS+ in 2021, en route to his second career MVP award.

Honorable mention: Kevin McAllister from Home Alone, because like Kevin, Harper was underestimated this season but did everything he could to lead the Phillies to victory

Cupid: Ronald Torreyes

One of the most lovable Phillies in 2021, Ronald Torreyes’ manager sang his praises many times for being so underrated and versatile.

Donner: Joe Girardi

The Phillies manager is in charge and Donner the reindeer loves to take charge.

Blitzen: J.T. Realmuto

‘Blitz’ is German for ‘lightning,’ and Realmuto is lightning-fast for the Phillies. He and Harper led the team with 13 stolen bases apiece, but Realmuto was the fastest baserunner of all the everyday players; among the 11 Phillies players with 50+ baserunning opportunities, Realmuto’s 28.8 ft/sec was the fastest sprint speed on the squad.

Rudolph the red-nose reindeer: Ranger Suárez

Ranger Suárez was the unexpected hero the Phillies desperately needed in 2021, pitching almost flawlessly as a reliever, closer, and starter. He even threw a complete-game shutout on less than 100 pitches, which is the baseball equivalent of guiding Santa’s sleigh on a foggy Christmas Eve.

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