Larry Bowa is the Next Phils Manager, I Say


Like everyone, I think it’s time for the Phillies to take on a more blue collar, old school work ethic!  They’ve been coddling these players too much!  

That’s why Larry Bowa shouldn’t just be on Ryne Sandberg’s staff!  He should be the staff. 

Dec 6, 2011; Dallas, TX, USA; MLB network anylast Larry Bowa on set during the MLB winter meetings at Hilton Anatole. Mandatory Credit: Matthew Emmons-USA TODAY Sports

Take this Kyle Kendrick, for example!  The kid doesn’t feel right in his arm or whatever, and they give him an MRI! What the hell is that?! Is that those things they sell for $3.00 on a plate at the cash register of a coffee shop!  I’ll be it’s a real liberal coffee shop, too, where people hold meetings to organize farmers markets!

Careful strategy and statistics serve their purpose, sure – and that purpose is to keep people virgins!

What this team needs is a nonsensical, abrasive manager to kick the doors in, throw equipment to the ground, and shower their ‘star’ players faces with old-man spittle!  That’s what makes championship teams!  Just look at the 1980 Phillies! Larry Bowa once stopped to tie his shoe lace on the way out of the tunnel and Dallas Green broke a bat over his spine! And you know what?! That spine went on to win the World Series!

Some might say that with so many established veterans on the team, getting shrieked at will be more of an annoyance than a motivator!  But to them I say [unintelligible gibberish screamed very loudly].

If you think that a slick young guy that everyone likes is the answer, then lay off the cough syrup!  Or pass it to me!  I haven’t had any yet!

These players don’t need somebody to be their friend!  They need somebody whose not afraid to pin pictures of players’ children sleeping to the bulletin board in the locker room, with no clear message, just the quiet, ambiguous sense of menace that would come with such an action!  Larry Bowa is that manager!

When Jimmy Rollins dogs it to first, he needs somebody jogging next to him up the first base line, telling him how awful he is, right to his face!  Obviously, talk radio hosts can only do so much good, but they never have the luxury of screaming their very logical issues with players into the faces of the players with whom they have issues! Bowa does! Bowa would do that!

And when Chase Utley doesn’t run hard on a pop-up, he needs somebody to tell him what a great job he’s doing!  Man, that guy is cool!

It’s time to return to the good old days, when the Phillies weren’t good yet, and if a player got too cocky because of how naturally talented he was, we’d run him out of town.  With Larry Bowa as manager, we can look forward once again to him being replaced and the subsequent five years of golden era Phillies baseball that has historically followed!

He’s good enough for America, but not good enough to coach the team from where America came from?