Seriously, Michael Martinez is Here

With Chase Utley going on the DL for 15 days (weeeeeeeee!!!), the Phillies needed to call up a hero.

Fresh out of heroes, they called up Micahel Martinez, who was apparently still lingering around the IronPigs clubhouse.

Michael “can” “play” most infield positions, as well as the outfield, so he seemed the obvious choice if you ignore numbers, stats, video replay, bad memories, recurring nightmares, and common sense.

He’s just not good.  And he looks even worse when he’s brought in to replace Chase Freaking Utley.  It’s no coincidence that 2013’s first day of Michael Martinez baseball is also the same day that local papers have started begging up to give up on the Phillies to save ourselves the devastation.

The Michael Martinez Effect

It’s called “The Michael Martinez Effect,” complete and utter despair are just byproducts of his appearance.

Look, we’re upset.  He’s probably a spectacular guy.  I remember some writer saying the worst part of Mini Mart leaving the Phillies is that they won’t get to hear him go “Big Yohn!” at John Mayberry when he does things. That’s charming.

But when it comes to the playing of baseball, Martinez’s darling colloquialisms don’t carry a lot of water.  Or baseball talent.

This could be a really fun/cataclysmic series with the Nationals.  Let’s hope this scrappy bunch of ne’er-do-wells can… can do something.

Well, at least he’s excited.