Series Six-Pack: “My advice? Stick a pencil in your eye.”


The Giants are in town, or we’re going to San Francisco, or who knows.

Do you think Roy is okay?  No, he’s not.  This is all pretty bad.

Here’s Bryan Rosa from Around the Foghorn something something something.

1. Roy Halladay and Tim Lincecum were once the gold standard in starting pitching. In recent years, we’ve watched both turn to more of an aluminum standard. Can you offer any tips of watching a treasured ace die in front of you?

Watching Lincecum has been draining. Not so much because he’s struggled, but, WHY he’s struggled is a complete unknown to anybody and the fact that he shows these flashes makes you believe he’s just about to turn the corner. Then he runs into a wall. A lot of people have commented on his lowered velocity, but, Lincecum’s been pretty good with his current velocity before.

When he came into the league, he threw hard, but he quit that relatively quickly and some of his best years, he didn’t really throw any harder than he currently does. His lack of fastball command has really hurt him as his secondary pitch command isn’t really bad at all, but he can’t set any of them up off the fastball and well, when he can’t do that, it’s a problem.

So my advice? Stick a pencil in your eye. It’ll be less painful than watching.

May 5, 2013; San Francisco, CA, USA; (left-right) San Francisco Giants infielder Pablo Sandoval (48), infielder Brandon Belt (9), infielder Brandon Crawford (35) and infielder Marco Scutaro (19) stand on the field during a pitching change against the Los Angeles Dodgers in the eighth inning at AT

2. So I saw Metallica played the National Anth I’m sorry, I can’t do this. Do you think Roy Halladay is okay? I mean, Lewis Yocum isn’t a “went to go live on a farm upstate” doctor, right? Don’t tell me if he is.

Dr. Yocum is one of the best doctor’s in the business. I wouldn’t worry too much. I hear many of his patients live very comfortable lives as Wal-Mart greeters.

3. The Giants have walked off two nights in a row now. That’s the kind of mojo that can make a team fill invincible. I remember when were that team. So young, so virile, so full of life. Do you feel like you’re enjoying that feeling while you can? Because it’s fleeting. **Stands up, pounds fists on table.** FLEETING I TELL YOU.

I don’t know who the Giants sold their souls to, but whomever it is, man he’s going to have one hell of a payoff down the road. Until then though, we’re riding these wheels off this bitch. Wait, a wheel popped? Crap. Maybe Madison Bumgarner can change the tire (because, you know, Madison Bumgarner changed the team bus tire..and..and…you heard that story, right? No, well, TMZ said it was true. So there).

4. So, Angel Pagan has a hamstring issue, huh? We were in the market for Pagan once. Traded for Ben Revere instead. And he’s nice and healthy. Of course he’s hitting a monstrous .204 and his OBP is a hysterically horrid .243. There was a question in here somewhere.

If you’re still in the market for Pagan, I’d be more than happy to trade his defense. I mean, I love his offense, but I’m pretttttty sure a chicken with their head cut off (or a Pablo Sandoval at an all you can eat buffet) would take better routes.

April 30, 2013; Phoenix, AZ, USA; San Francisco Giants manager Bruce Bochy (15) in the eighth inning against the Arizona Diamondbacks during a game at Chase Field. Mandatory Credit: Rick Scuteri-USA TODAY Sports

5. Bruce Bochy has said Brandon Belt won’t hit 8th for him, but he is and continues to. Would you say Bruce Bochy is a gutless liar or a cowardly deceiver? You can only pick one of those two things.

I’m going to say both, only because I’m a gutless question answerer. Public Enemy told me to fight the power, so, uh, I’m going to do just that. FIGHT THE POWER. Or the question asker. Or something.

6.  I noticed on Twitter you mark your location as “Lou Seal’s pants.” What would you say if I revealed that LOU SEAL DOESN’T HAVE ANY PANTS.

Why do you think he doesn’t have any pants? I jacked that Pinniped. And yes, you can Google that…