Sunshine and Happiness Murdered at Citizens Bank Park as Phillies Lose 117-2


As reported earlier, Roy Halladay surrendered a metric ton of runs to the Marlins, as well doing other uncharacteristically awful things like hitting batters (Justin Ruggiano twice!)

May 5, 2013; Philadelphia, PA, USA; Miami Marlins right fielder Marcell Ozuna (48) celebrates with pitcher Jose Fernandez (16) after the game against the Philadelphia Phillies at Citizens Bank Park. The Marlins defeated the Phillies 14-2. Mandatory Credit: Howard Smith-USA TODAY Sports

So we’ll leave the Roy Halladay portion out of this game recap, but don’t worry!  There’s still plenty of horrendous pitching to talk about.

Raul Valdes chewed through 3.1 innings, giving up a run – he has a HBP to his name as well.  Chad Durbin got the ball next, and boy, he began the Phillies’ legacy of surrendering home runs to Justin Ruggiano.  Jeremy Horst closed things out for the Phillies pitching staff, picking up his own Ruggiano dinger, and his own HBP, and setting the day’s ERA bar at a steady-handed 6.59.

Now to the offense!  It was also terrible.

As Bill Baer pointed out during his classic Completely Demoralizing Bill Baer Mid-Game Facts, the Phillies’ offense has had some trouble actually putting runs on the board.  But that all ended today!

Ben Revere singled in Carlos Ruiz in the bottom of the eighth, followed by a Freddy Galvis RBI groundout – YEAH TEAM OF THE FUTURE.

And that’s how the Phillies scored two runs to bring the Phillies within eight runs of tying the Marlins!  Until the next inning, when Justin Ruggiano hit his second home run of the day to make it a ten run deficit again!

The ninth inning Big Comeback featured two groundouts, a Jimmy Rollins single met with sarcastic applause, and another groundout.

And now the Phillies are 14-18 after splitting a four game series with the WORST TEAM in the LEAGUE, a title which really honestly feels like it should be us.

When it all went wrong

Marcell Ozuna’s double was reviewed the wrong way for the Phils, scoring the Marlins’ first runs of the day.  I’ll see you in hell, Marcell Ozuna.


There are no heroes left in this world.


You, the fans.  People booed Roy Halladay today.  THEY BOOED ROY HALLADAY.  This indicates a complete lack of intelligence for both baseball and history.  If you do this, ever, you are the worst human garbage that this city can produce at a Phillies game.

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