Mid Series Six-Pack: “The only thing worse than the Marlins is living in Alabama.”


With one game in the books, the Phillies only have to win three more times in a row to get back to .500 and start gaining ground.  And that will definitely happen, as the Marlins are terrible and the Phillies are historically spectacular against terrible teams.  Isn’t that right, the 2010 Houston Astros?

Anyways, here’s Ehsan Kassim of Marlin Maniac again to clear some things up.

Charlie Manuel would have played Delmon Young in right yesterday, had not been for him getting hit by a pitch the day before. Why has god foresaken us?

That’s an easy one, this is all still revenge for booing Santa.  [EDITOR’S NOTE: Oh, do people know about that?]

July 14, 2012; Miami, FL, USA; Miami Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria (right) presents framed photos and newspapers of former Florida Marlins catcher Ivan Rodriguez (left) during a ceremony before the game between the Marlins and Washington Nationals at Marlins Park. Mandatory Credit: Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

With few good players to have taken from you via injury, what sort of comically inept things do you expect to happen to the Marlins?

Our players don’t need to be injured for bad things to happen to the team. You have to remember our owner is Jeffery Loria. Loria is a man who thinks he knows baseball and acts on an impulse. Even though Redmond does not have much to work with, it would not surprise me at this point to see him firing him for a bad season. It’s funny, Loria told us fans to have patience, but I believe he will lose patience long before the fans do and do something like trade for Ryan Howard (no offense).

This guy recently wrote about the Marlins, “Whether you like the owner or not this is a fun team to watch.” Is that true? Do people think that? Sorry the font just changed.

The Marlins are an extremely fun team to watch, if you have the eye sight of Stevie Wonder. No wait, I take that back, even he would not be able to watch a Marlins game. Last I heard, even the Marlins players’ families don’t watch the games. Mothers fear their kids will have nightmares after watching a game. Me, personally, I sold my soul for Lebron James to sign in Miami, so watching a Marlins game has no effect on me.

How many Marlins games have you been to this season? Are you part of the problem? Or is the whole deal with Loria make the people who DO go to the games part of the problem?

I live in Alabama, so I have not been to any games this season. I think the only thing worse than watching the Marlins play this season is living in Alabama. They still live in the McCarthy Era and believe that everything they disagree with is Communist. But I digress. If I were in South Florida, I would attend as many games as I could. Cannot stand Loria, but the only thing I would hate more is to miss an experience at the ballpark.

Apr 28, 2013; Miami, FL, USA; Miami Marlins catcher Rob Brantly (19) during the fourth inning against the Chicago Cubs at Marlins Park. Mandatory Credit: Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

The Fish recently climbed over the Phillies in the league rankings of OPS. What is the secret to getting players on base? How have the Marlins figured it out with such a smaller payroll than the Phillies? “Money = production,” I learned in Ruben Amaro’s General Managing Academy of Doom. When I signed up for classes, the “of Doom” part of the sign was covered up by a tree branch.

I read Moneyball, so I think the secret to get runners on base is either to get four balls or hit the ball where a fielder is not located at. But then again, I have not seen a competent offense in a long time, so players being on base is a foreign affair to me.

Can the Marlins notch win number 10 during this series? Yes, they can. Which two games will they win, by how much, and what will the defining moment be?

Well, I answered these questions after the Marlins dropped the opener, but I am still holding out hope for at least one win this series. At this point, a strong start from Fernandez on Saturday and his first major league victory would be amazing enough for me.