Phillies Suck, Lose by Nine Runs


It was like Opening Day, but with half the Phillies runs, and also injuries.

Apr 16, 2013; Cincinnati, OH, USA; Cincinnati Reds center fielder Shin-Soo Choo warms up on deck during a game against yje Philadelphia Phillies at Great American Ball Park. Mandatory Credit: David Kohl-USA TODAY Sports

I have trouble adopting a voice for some of these recaps.  Like, am I explaining what happened to people who watched it?  Or is it more akin to telling a story to somebody who wasn’t there?

Because my instinct is to start this recap with, “Man, you wouldn’t believe this one.”  But maybe you would.  Maybe you don’t enter the top of each first inning with the idea that maybe this will be the game that turns it around.  But hey, it’s still early!  Why, Delmon Young hasn’t even joined the club yet!


So yeah, John Lannan apparently entered the game already injured with some tendinitis above his knee that he claims to have pitched through before.  Which is great news, because the last thing we want to do is have someone other than John Lannan pitch when John Lannan is giving up eight hits and six runs in less than two innings.

Onward came the bullpen, who did their thing where they just kind of are out there so the mound isn’t empty and the game can continue.  Raul Valdes hopped in there and six hits and five runs through three and a third innings of mop-up duty.  Oh, and then there was this gem.

Apr 15, 2013; Cincinnati, OH, USA; Cincinnati Reds left fielder Derrick Robinson beats out a hit during the eighth inning against Philadelphia Phillies first baseman Ryan Howard at Great American Ball Park. The Reds defeated the Phillies 4-2. Mandatory Credit: Frank Victores-USA TODAY Sports

Yes, the long reliever set the offensive bar for the day, matched only by Freddy Galvis’ two-run eighth inning home run off a guy appearing in his sixth MLB game ever and cut the deficit to single digits.  The Red’s Mike Leake took complete control for seven innings of shut-out, three-hit ball.  He was backed by a potent lineup of frequent hitters.  Zach Cozart (3-for-5, 3 RBI, 2B, HR) and Brandon Phillips (2-for-2, 3 RBI) were especially devastating, as was Leake’s RBI triple off Lannan.

Chad Durbin and Jeremy Horst would pitch the last three innings with hitlessness and scorelessness that would have really come in handy during some games where we weren’t already down by nine runs.  Dom Brown left the game after feeling a pop in his back while misplaying a fly ball.

Oh, did I mention the pregame ceremony was the Phillies losing a different game?  Today was great.

When it all went wrong

When John Lannan decided to be a hero?  When Ben Revere didn’t hit a ball out of the infield for 10 at-bats, is hitting .194, and is the leadoff hitter?  When nobody walked in this entire series?  When the Phillies scored 10 runs in six games? When


noun \ˈhir-(ˌ)ō\

a : a mythological or legendary figure often of divine descent endowed with great strength or ability

b : an illustrious warrior

c : a man admired for his achievements and noble qualities

d : one who shows great courage



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