At Least Phillies Have Hundreds of Millions of Dollars to Make Them Happy


It’s tough watching Roy Halladay decline, knowing your team will falter due to his struggles.

The core players are old and the bullpen is young and the additions this club made for 2013 are all flawed in giant ways: Revere’s arm, Young’s movement, Delmon Young’s life.

It has the potential for a very ugly situation.  Fortunately, the Phillies have a contingency plan: millions of dollars.

Forbes Magazine puts the Phillies at $893 million, just shy of that $900 billion threshold where you get to use helicopters as currency.

What will they do with all this money?  Well, everything they are currently doing with it.  It’s not new money.  It’s what they’re using to keep things running so smoothly; keeping the lights on, paying money to Michael Young to be on the team, lighting what were supposed to be victory cigars but have become deep self-reflection in the dark cigars.

There is a daft amount of money coming, but for now, we are just supposed to look at that money, marvel at it, respect it, and forget that most of it is probably going to Ryan Howard over the next decade or whatever.

The important thing is that we keep going to the games, so that they can afford to make deals that bring elite players like Delmon Young to Citizens Bank Park .