NL East Infection: SPECIAL cream


New York Mets

The Mets are clearly busy.

Yeah.  Special cream.  So.

This story was clearly leaked by the Mets themselves in the wake of the “The Mets are literally trying to open a casino literally next door to Citi Field.  The Mets.  Literally,” story.  The team is not concerned about PR, certainly, but that doesn’t mean we don’t get to point out how bad they are at it.

All of this – the refusal to learn from past mistakes, the special creams – has to make Flushing, which also the term commonly used to describe toilets, seem all the more appealing.  That’s why the Mets are pressing hard to get Michael Bourn, as long as those presses are cost-free.  Good thing they have David Wright, who they have no problem unleashing on Bourn.  And Wright has apparently no issue taking on the Mets’ ambassador role, something that sounds about as appealing as living in a toilet.

Atlanta Braves

The Braves keep checking up on Chipper Jones, having gotten him to agree to come to Spring Training.  But they seem to have a level of interest in him that goes beyond photo ops and inspiring young players.  If they don’t, then they are really stockpiling the “Chipper Jones Loving Retirement” stories.

But let’s not fool ourselves into thinking the Braves are weakened in any capacity.  They just took’s top bullpen list by storm; and that storm has a vicious front of Craig Kimbrel and Eric O’Flaherty and that third guy that’s so good and whatever.

Washington Nationals

Who even is THIS guy?!?! Derick E. Hingle-USA TODAY Sports

The Nats’ campaign to be a spectacularly evil organization took another cartoonish turn as we approach Spring Training.

The small town of Viera looks forward every year to when the Nationals come to down; their business grows fruitful for one month in early spring and they get to be thrilled by the enterprise of Washington baseball.  Space Coast stadioum explodes with gentle applause as the crowds that don’t show up for regular season Nationals games don’t show up for preseason ones.

Pizza places fill with gleefully sunburned patrons seeking refreshments after an afternoon of heavy Straburging.  But that could all come crumbling down in a matter of months, as the Nationals, outgrowing their small town britches, may seek spring training elsewhere.

Why? Is it due to their growing need for validation as an MLB super power?  Yes.  It is.

"“We’d lose a lot of business,” added Weaver.“I hope they decide to stay,” said Orlando.–Greg Palone, Bright House Sports Network"

So the town teeters on the verge of economic collapse, as the Nationals toy with them, playing their sick game of horrid, unnecessary domination.  Meanwhile, the Phillies have been keeping Clearwaterians happy since 1948, and wouldn’t leave even if they were demanded to.  The trick is to embed yourself so deeply in the local economy that by pulling out the town would disembowel itself.

Miami Marlins

HE’S A MONSTER Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

The Marlins signed Jon Rauch, Jeffrey Loria reiterated his desire to drive the community into the ground, and the team gathered whatever is left itself to host a charity bowling event.

But there is a bright light at the end of the tunnel!  It’s Jeb Bush, the brother of former president George W. Bush, and he wants to take over!  And if there’s anything that’s symbolized a period of prosperity after a horrendous downward spiral in this country, it’s letting a member of the Bush family take control.

Jeb has to overcome the stigma his family has generated in this town/entire country, but beyond that, he is a definite improvement over Loria, as we have seen no direct proof that he hates everyone in Miami for no reason.

In the Marlins’ defense, though, Jon Rauch is really, very tall.