Phillies Can’t Help but Notice You Haven’t Bought Those Season Tickets Yet


Hello valued season ticket holder!

Howard Smith-USA TODAY Sports

Here at The Phillies, we feel as though the thrilling ride of the past few seasons has really brought us closer to each fan individually.

How are your kids?  Is Sally still taking tap?  Ha ha, just kidding of course.  Unless you actually have a tap-dancing daughter named Sally.  In which case, how is it going?  Sorry if it is going really horribly and we just dragged up a sore subject and Sally is crying now.

The magic of Phillies baseball in this golden era would not have been the same without you.  We are hoping that we can count on you to share the next few years with us as well!

Which brings us to this somewhat awkward topic of your season tickets.  We’ve noticed that you in fact have not ordered yours as of yet, and with Spring Training, these tickets are going to go fast, probably, unless everyone else keeps being like you.

Without spending the summer at Citizens Bank Park, you’ll miss out on watching the careers of young stars take off, like Freddy Galvis,

Trevor May

, and all the rest.  You know, they say that Ben Revere is a young Juan Pierre.   No, as a compliment.

Look, we all know what’s going on here.

You may be remembering 2012 as a season of constant let-downs, but think about it: Are you sure you are remembering it correctly?  According to this video, the Phillies may have been a lot more inspirational and set to upbeat instrumental stock music than you recall.

Remember Chase’s home run after getting off the DL?  Chooch having a career year?  And who could forget [John: we’ll think of a third thing to put here, but I had to go home early because my dog crapped on my landlord while she was sleeping. Just be sure not to send the letter out before we put something here.]?

Howard Smith-USA TODAY Sports

Do you really want to spend 2013 missing up to three memorable moments?  Just because you’re afraid Chase Utley’s knees are in a jar of science goo somewhere, or Ryan Howard is going to try and not play in two consecutive games all season without you noticing, or Ruben Amaro is just waiting for the first beam of hope to shoot through so he can smother it with a trade for Alfonso Soriano?

Those are some oddly specific fears, friend.  The Phillies are not sure they feel safe having Sally under your care with that level of delusion.

You know what?  Maybe the problem is you.  Maybe your overzealous expectations and threatening phone calls to local radio stations have made you impossible to please, and anything The Phillies do now could bee seen as not good enough.  That’s what you want, isn’t it?  To have us constantly striving for your attention, wanting it, needing it, begging for it!  But you won’t give it.  That would be too healthy and instill too much self confidence for us to grow.

No!  No!  We will not let you ruin this!

Look, please just buy the tickets.  We had some good times, right?  For a second there, you thought we had a shot at the playoffs!  Don’t deny it!  Finally, we were going to be the “magical run” team who wasn’t supposed to be there and then won it all!  Of course that didn’t happen; it was more of a flaccid, emotionless sputter across the finish line.  But at the time, anything could happen!  Right?  Do you remember?


We just think we’d all be a lot happier if you just agreed to, you know, put aside any real or unfounded concerns with the team and spend hundreds if not thousands of dollars on reserving your seat to watch an organization that has been widely expected to fail.  Okay?

I think it’s safe to say that’s what everyone wants.  Think about all the potential good times waiting!  Don’t think about all the counteracting horrible things that are lurking!  And certainly don’t think about the suspicious things that have already happened and may or may not be the beginning of those aforementioned horrible things that you, again, should definitely not be thinking about.

You’re just a hovering mouse and a few clicks andacreditcardnumber away from another summer of future nostalgia with the Phillies.

Sign up today and receive a game worn Delmon Young sandwich!

See you soon!

The Phillies