Thin Connection Made Between Chad Durbin and Phillies


Reliever Chad Durbin of the Phillies’ highly successful 2008 bullpen has been linked to the team again, according to an informal tweet that was later deleted.

Chad Durbin also fit in with Philly due to his acceptance of the age-old “hating Michael Martinez” tradition. Dale Zanine-USA TODAY Sports

Durbin spent his years since testing free agency in 2011 with the Indians and Braves.  He was part of the Nationals’ ongoing campaign to acquire former Phillies and turn them against them, but released from Washington’s preseason camp in early 2012.

Atlanta picked him up and he threw 61 innings for them out of the pen, amassing a 3.10 ERA and a 1.311 WHIP.

Now, according to someone identified as an impossible to confirm “family friend,” Durbin has re-signed with the Phillies, despite no other news outlets reporting the news or anyone really caring.

“Durbin?  Yeah, he was all right, I guess,” said a man walking too briskly on the sidewalk in Fishtown to stop give his name.

“I don’t have time for this shit,” said a tired-looking woman pushing a stroller with one arm and carrying a second child in the other.  “Please just get the fuck out of my way.”

The 35-year-old Durbin would be a proven veteran commodity in the bullpen, which has already been supplemented by the addition of Mike Adams, and could go a long way in solidifying the late innings of a game.

“Late innings?!  Oh yeah, he’ll protect that eight-run lead we’ll build with all of our offense,” said an unidentified man in a subway terminal.  “Hey look,” he continued, pointing down on the subway tracks at some garbage.  “Chase Utley left his knees down there.  Somebody better grab them!”

Durbin’s unsung hero status would be far more appreciated in 2013, coming off a season in which the bullpen was one of the Phillies’ many Achilles’ heels.

“Honestly, who the fuck cares?” a despondent man in a Phillies on the subway asked, rubbing his face with his hands.