Former Phillies Getting Paid Like they are Being Signed by Phillies


While the Phillies don’t make moves, their former employees are moving all over the place, being paid as if they are some overhyped, elderly utility player and the team paying them is the Phillies.

  • Shane Victorino landed in Boston, part of a franchise movement to once more fill their roster with scrappy, spitfire players who applaud frantically after reaching base on a close play.  After being weighed at about $6-7 million, Shane naturally will receive $39 million from the Red Sox over the course of three years, setting the financial bar for Hawaiian-born professional ball players.
  • “What… are… you…?” Gary A. Vasquez-USA TODAY Sports

    The painful secret of his Angels fandom was difficult to stifle while in Philly, but Ryan Madson, recovering from a year off with pal Tommy John, is finally able to reveal his horrible true self to the world.  Mad Dog and the Halos reached a one-year agreement worth $3.5 million, with the ability to double that figure by finishing games and staying healthy. A deal undoubtedly concocted by his agent Scott Boras, who may have had trouble handling the paper work with such long, sinister finger nails.  And we forgive him for the “Angels fan” thing.  We all know where Mike Trout’s heart really lies.

  • Joe Blanton spent a lot of 2012 wondering how he was going to get out of a jam.  Naturally, he will spend 2013 wondering what to do with his millions upon millions of dollars.  I mean, Joe Blanton is getting paid $15 million over two years for the Angels.  Joe Blanton!  $15 million!!  What the hell!  Are we living in a shadow world?!  Our mayor is hanging out with Big Bird on a Chinese playground, Tibetan monks are setting themselves on fire in record numbers, and the Angels are giving Joe Blanton $15 million to start for them.  As a pitcher.
  • The Phillies, desperate for outfielders, let one of their better outfielders go, and now he’s going to waste a year playing for the Cubs.
  • The Phillies, now even more desperate for outfielders, are now in possible hot pursuit of Michael Bourn and Raul Ibanez.  One is one of the top names on the market, capable of leading off, and if the current offseason deals are any indication, he is going to be paid a ludicrous amount of money to do so.  The other is a real swell guy.
  • So, yeah.  A lot of former Phils are assured of at least fairly decent futures.  Which is more than they can say for a lot of the current Phils.