Charlie Manuel Already Dreaming of a Juan Pierre-filled 2013


The man just won his 700th game as Phillies manager, and has been rewarded with this Sam Donnellon article that insinuates Bobby Valentine could have his job in a few months’ time.

While some may use this as an opportunity to reflect or sob wistfully over the past, others have been focused more on the future lately.  Charlie Manuel is one of these people.  He has to be.  If he focused on the present he may be so emotionally crippled he wouldn’t be able to get out of bed in the morning.

So, talk of his firing has quieted for now, not because the vocal, slovenly masses are back on his side, but because they’ve worn themselves out from all the distressed, misinformed phone calls and are currently taking a nap to recharge.

Charlie Manuel would be a shake-up, sure; but can you imagine if the Phillies started playing better?  If the bullpen wasn’t in cahoots with the Delaware Valley Remote Control industry, and stopped giving us perfectly sound reasons to hurl our controllers into the drywall, then head on down to DWRC Emporium to get hornswaggled on buying the new model.

“What the hell is this?” our wives ask.  “You were supposed to pick up a cantalope, and you come back with a universal remote that requires you to take a six-week night class and has a radiation poisoning stick on the back?”

“Cantalopes suck,” we explain before flopping onto the couch and reaching into the cushions for that delicious couch-wine we keep in there.

Regardless, Charlie is thinking ahead, and no one gets him considering future times than a 35-year-old outfielder with no capacity for throwing.

Charlie recently said he’d love to have Pierre back for next season–as far as I know, the only admission for any particular player.  Not that they all require public notification, but Charlie loves Juan’s hustle, and despite all of our natural hesitance toward approving him, Pierre has proven useful during times that the Phillies weren’t just getting ruined in public.

But what about Pierre’s age?  Isn’t that an issue?

"“The older he gets, the more his age gets.”–Charlie Manuel"

Oh, yeah.  You’re right.  It isn’t.