Phast Phive: Bona-phide Opportunities

Justin Klugh

Look, we all saw what happened last night.  And we all got jokes.  But the truth is, Kyle pitched one of his very convenient stellar games, which come about every fourth or fifth start of his.  Naturally, this performance will buy him another three years of patience from the front office.  In the mean time, let’s continue with the same level of respect and gratitude that a back of the rotation starter who just outdueled Josh Johnson with almost zero runs support deserves.

As we all lean forward and watch the Phillies in quiet desperation, claiming that we’re happy just seeing the young guys who could make an impact next year, but really dying inside, there aren’t plenty of things to discuss.  Ryan Howard’s wife is going to be on a reality TV show.  I can’t even summon the fake-enthusiasm to pretend to care about that.  I literally care about that as much as I care that there’s a magazine on the floor, over there.

But Thome’s Homies is offering us something helpful; a field guide to suffering through a bad Phillies team.  This list of stages, of course, is assuming that you are emotionally stable.  Anyone with “serious psychological issues” or whatever will be going through far more manic, rapid, and repetitive versions of the phases listed.

John Stolnis

Much of the last six weeks of the 2012 season will be devoted to seeing who is going to be worth anything in 2013. The Phils have a lot of young bullpen arms, and these last few weeks offer an excellent opportunity to see exactly what they’ve got. So, on Sunday, Charlie Manuel decided to give 26-year-old right-hander Michael Schwimer a real, bona-fide opportunity to pitch in a high leverage situation. It, um, didn’t work out too well. I miss Ryan Madson.

You know it’s one of those lost summers in Philadelphia when people start playing games with fans that have passed out drunk at Phils games. Man, this used to be a common occurrence in the 700 level. It’s good to know we’re returning to the halcion days of Phillies baseball.

And finally, it’s good to see Hunter Pence and Shane Victorino start to produce for their new teams. Even though they’re wearing the laundry of the enemy (and let’s face it, any team not in red pinstripes is an enemy to us), Pence’s homer on Sunday and Shane’s homer on Monday are both good signs for a couple of guys that will hopefully have some postseason success this year.

Ethan Seidel

Hardball talk chronicles Cole Hamels latest gem. I’m not saying he’s just some cynical athlete who’s in it for the money but he has been dominant since signing his new contract.

Bill Baer explains just how good Eric Kratz has been this year for the Phils. Move over Chris Coste, Philly has a new favorite journeyman catcher!