Another Marlins series, which means we can become unwittingly positive after being exposed to their fun, enthusiastic color scheme. Hey speaking of colorful, here’s Strip Club with Stanton, our go-to Marlins blog, with a real humdinger of an interview for you “I love interviews”-types. Be sure to converse with him this week (@BoobiesNStanton) as we get in each other’s way.
Ozzie Guillen recently made comments that were neither outspoken nor profane. How does he expect to be blamed for everything without any cartoonish arm-flailing?
I’ve been wholly disappointed with Ozzie Guillen this year. It’s one thing for almost every single player to fall short of expectations, but to have the manager also fail to live up to the hype? That’s just unacceptable.
Personally, I think he peaked too early. When you start the season by getting yourself suspended for professing your love for an infamous dictator, it’s hard to really go up from there. Ozzie reminds me of Mitch Hedberg’s joke about pancakes: “You can’t be like pancakes, all exciting at first, but by the end, you’re fucking sick of ’em.”
What could serve as a beacon of hope for the Marlins at this point? Have any other players considered changing their names?
A wise man (I don’t recall his name, but it might’ve been Tom) once told me, “Where there are fish tanks, there is hope.” So, whenever I’m watching Heath Bell give up a handful of runs, those fish tanks in the backstop kind of make me feel a little better about things.
And nobody has changed their name yet, but if we’re putting this to a vote, I say John Buck goes with John Buckseventytwo, to more accurately reflect his contributions to the team.
From the L.A. Times:
"“But with every at-bat Ramirez took, the reaction became increasingly one-sided — for the worse. Playing as a visitor for the first time in the stadium he called home only three weeks ago, Ramirez was being booed.”"
Booed? BOOED?! You dare attack a former compatriot with haunting chants of disgust?! How do you expect the commissioner to react to such a classless, horrible, basically meaningless and totally predictable gesture?! Shame. SHAAAAAAMMMMMME.
I gotta tell ya, I’m surprised fans even mustered up the strength to boo. I thought for sure Hanley was going to hear the echoing sounds of total apathy.
How much unbridled positivity was injected into Marlins Park from the vigorous presence of Randy Choate?
After reading that article, I think the more important question about Randy Choate is this: Tatem and Tegan?!? It’s like he’s purposely setting his daughters up for a life in porn.
I saw the Marlins called up Rob Brantly. According to reports, Brantly is a living person with a face and probably a baseball glove. What’s his, uh… his thing. His story.
Rob Brantly being called up is important, because it means we’re that much closer to seeing exactly what kind of hot garbage the Tigers gave us this time around. I swear, Larry Beinfest is like a fly feeding off a big steaming pile of Dave Dombrowski’s shit.
As the Phillies and Marlins slap against each other in the remaining weeks of the season, which NL East rival do you find the most repulsive as they reach for that division flag?
It’s the Braves and it’s not even a question. The Nationals are cute with their whole, “We’re totally going to shut Strasburg down even though it’s the stupidest, most illogical idea ever” thing. And the Mets are the Mets; we know how that story goes.
The Braves, though, are everything everyone hates about baseball. Just a boring team with boring fans in a boring city. I mean, seriously, if you were planning a vacation with your friends and one of them suggested Atlanta, you’d punch him right in the face.
Also, Dan Uggla is a whale’s vagina.