Phillies Continue to Do Things that Make City Great, Except for Baseball


The Phillies sure have done some impressive things this year.  Sadly, none of them have been while holding or hitting a baseball.

But that hasn’t stopped the people in suits from making moves all on their own, some of which have nothing to do with baseball whatsoever.

“What are you talking about?” you demand.  “What could possibly be more important than baseball?”

Oh, I don’t know, you fart-brained yokel.  Maybe things like educational development and infrastructure and internet things.  Didn’t think of those, did you smart guy?  Maybe because you’re not smart.  Maybe because while you were getting you’re schooling, no Phillies owners were donating $16.2 million to “educational, workforce-training and professional-development programming.”

Yeah.  Don’t feel as accusatory now, do you?  Oh, you do?  You’re just mad, all the time?  You blacked out last night and when you woke up all the mirrors in your house were broken?  Hey, maybe get off the internet and go find some help.  But not from a reflection of yourself that starts talking to you in one of the shattered mirrors.

John and Leigh Middleton, part owners of the Phillies, are spreading their millions all over this city, and not via some epic bar crawl that would be awesome.  They’re giving it to Drexel, they’re giving it to Philadelphia Academies Inc., they’re giving it to Philadelphia Youth Network, they’re giving it to the school district of Philadelphia–seems like if you’re doing some learning in this town, you’re getting a piece.

So the next time the Phillies are disappointing you, which they haven’t lately, but just… if they do, remember there are so many wonderful things a team can do not on the field.

Seriously, just think of that!  It’s so easy to not be mad anymore!

Isn’t that right, fractured version of myself in the broken mirror who is telling me to burn down a school?

Uh oh.