Game Day Six-Pack: “If it weren’t for The Dickster and his healing powers…”


What a nice break it will be to taken on the Mets, the only team that’s not a contender in the East.  Isn’t that right, preseason me?

Why, yes it is, Justin.  Everybody knows that the Phillies have one more run in them.  The Mets, meanwhile, are an athletically void and morally bankrupt institution.  This will be like a vacation for the Phillies.  Also can you believe the season Cliff Lee is having.  He is just the greatest man.

I know, right.  Well, it’s time to interview someone who isn’t myself.  Steve Keane a la The Eddie Kranepool Society is here and answer our highly biased inquiries about the Mets and what they could possibly think they will get out of this series.

I’ll bet you probably think that if R.A. Dickey starts one game of a series it’s an automatic win.  Well the joke’s on you, Steve, because any game even a basically average pitcher starts against the Phillies is an automatic win, smart guy.  Now what?

A couple of years ago bringing out The Dickster to face the Phillies would have been awsome but today to waste his beyond supernatural powers in a face off against America’s Next Top Model seems like overkill, but the one saving grace about this match up is it will be loads o’ fun watching The Dickster pitch a Perfect Game.

This guy who looks like a real model train enthusiast says that “No player has been more valuable” than David Wright this year.  Is this an accurate statement or simply the deranged delusions one forms when alone in the basement with American Flyer S Gauge?

You know that Little Mikey Lupica at one time was the must read sports writer in NYC now when you mention his name to the kids they say “Who”? Imagine that. One thing about Little Mikey, he’s pro-Mets and will do whatever he can to put the team and the owners The Skill Sets (Freddy and Jeffey Wilpon and the top pawn broker in Nassau County Uncle Saul Katz) in the best positive light.

Now about D-Wright–since the Mets have now broken barriers with a batting title (from the Late Jose Reyes) and a no-hitter (Viva Santana!!!!) why not break the MVP maiden, and who better to break that cherry but D-Wright. This is FINALLY  Wright’s team he is the veteran everyday player that leads by example with a young team as the Mets having D-Wright in the clubhouse and on the field is very valuable.

The last time we talked, we discussed the frivolous achievement of the no-hitter.  Now that the Mets have one, has the attitude changed from “Geh, meaningless statistical anomaly” to “That awesome time we will always love Johan for zomg!!!”

No-hitters used to be frivolous that was until 6-1-12 when they became spectacular and so, so meaningful and just soooooo joyous of an occasion -give me a moment here please….I get so choked up when I think of the night of 6-1-12… oh God my, keyboard is soaked… just another moment…whew! okay.

Yes, no hitters are magical and if it weren’t for The Dickster and his healing powers as he touched Santana’s shoulder in spring training and turned it into the way it was five years ago the night of 6-1-12 wouldn’t have happen…

The Mets were recently granted a 50% chance at the playoffs by the Sportslords at ESPN.  Are the 2012 Mets a playoff team?  What would be their undoing? 

If the Mets continue to have games like they did in Chicago and the Sunday game in LA where the run the bases llke they took tabs of acid and play bad defense giving the opposition 4, 5, 6 outs in an inning that will be their downfall. But the one thing about this Mets team is it’s resilient they can look awful one day and come back and look like champions the next.

What happened to Dee Gordon after his at-bat against Tim Byrdak that made him walk to the dugout like this?

Ah, Gordon was K’d with a pitch that Byrdak learned from Little Jerry Seinfeld just before he was sent to an upstate farm, it’s called the Chicken Wing, as you wind up you put out both arms and then pitch the ball with screwball grip. Quite the effective pitch.

So, you’re a team nearing the halfway point at the end of a golden era.  Thanks to injury and listlessness, you’re absolutely horrid to watch and some players–the ones who you could count on to be leaders or contribute intensity in the past–can just smile and nod. Others swear loyalty to the bitter end.  How long do you wait before you accept that their words are merely the scripted answers of true competitors being asked if they will continue to compete?

Ahhhhh yes the 2012 Phillies R.I.P. I guess after this season Ol’ Cholly might just move to Malibu and shack up with Paula Abdul.