Phillies Admit They Are Probably Not Going to Find Sh*t in MLB Draft


Heeeyyy, the MLB Draft!  That’s where all those young prospects for the future come from!  Finally, our days of being known as That Team Who Had it All but Traded it for the Best Starting Rotation Ever  to not Even Get Past the First Round of the Playoffs and Also Hunter Pence are over!

We all know too well the states of Ryan Howard and Chase Utley.  Jimmy Rollins is hardly the shortstop he used to be, and not just because he hasn’t had dreads in forever.  The farm system presents a talented pitching collective, but we are in need of a young, powerful, resilient offensive core again.  The time for restarting the cycle may be upon us.

Would the Phillies really stick Pat Gillick and Bill Giles at their table if they were planning on making a bunch of floundering also-picks?

Yes they would/are.

Because of baseball’s hilarious rules, the Phillies can’t sign Jonathan Papelbon and still have a first round draft pick.  Why?  No one knows.  It’s in the same ledger as the rule explaining why umpires are naturally selected stewards of the game and why they deserve the same infallibility of religious leaders.

Darn, the plan to sign a man who plays one inning every three days for $50 million finally reveals a flaw.  Seems impossible, but Ruben Amaro arranged it, so obviously it was the sane thing to do.  But maybe this will be one of those drafts where there are still Trouts and Harpers available by the 40th and 54th picks.

As always, the Phillies front office is more than willing to offer transparency as far as their plans.

"“Honestly, how it’s going to play out? I don’t think anybody knows.”–Assistant GM Scott Proefrock"

Well I’d say the big question here is why doesn’t anybody know?  We can always fairly assume that we’re being lied to when it comes to team and player movement, injuries, plans, reasons, and feelings.  But in the rare instance that some agent of the Phillies is speaking truthfully, we have to wonder what would make the Phillies walk into this blind.  The low likelihood of grabbing a highly touted star?  Their lack on confidence in themselves?  Drugs?

Hey, we might catch lightning in a bottle, and the front office does know what they’re doing, even if we are never allowed to.  The Phillies’ needs are clear, and as the current Major League stars begin to fade, we turn to moments like this to give us hope for the future.

And the moment has passed. Next year, guys.