Phast Phive: I Will Hate You Phorever, Cody Ross


You know what’s a good sign?  About a year ago, Major League scouts were saying Freddy Galvis was not more than a .233 career hitter.  This year, he proved them wrong.  He’s a .000 Major League hitter.  But in the minors, he clawed his way to an average over .270.  Coaches said he showed up to camp in 2011 and had worked out so much he was upgraded a body type, from “Corn Stalk” to “Optimus Prime.”

I thought that was fun indication of where his head’s at.


Justin Klugh

With all the infielders disappearing, the Phillies are continuously sticking their noses into other team’s business.  The Indians just bid a tearful good bye to Cristian Guzman who, at 34 years old, is exactly the type of infielder the front office is probably looking for.  No wonder they’ve been linked to the veteran, and not just because Ruben Amaro makes a point to be linked to every available player, except for the ones that he says he isn’t linked to, in which case, he often still is.

Meanwhile, Scott Miller is tossing a ball in the air while wearing a suit jacket and having deep, baseball-fused thoughts, heavily influenced by hallucinogenic drugs.  One of them is about Freddy Galvis.  Is he ready?  Scott expanded that thought into a column.  Here it is.

Tony DiStefano

There are moments in sport that transcend mere athletics becoming so transformative that you actually lose yourself in what the game can represent. You would assume that these moments would be positive, but Mr. Cody Ross reminded us that they can also reside on the dark side bringing forth that type of anger that makes you embarrassed to get that mad at an opposing player.

I will hate you forever Cody Ross. I will be extremely happy when your overwhelmingly mediocre career grinds to a halt. All it took was one bat flip in spring training to bring all the bile, all the vitriol, all the ranker bubbling back to the surface.

I feel washed up and I am just on the other side of 30. I still ride bicycles designed for little kids (BMX) and I happen upon kids who are fifteen years my junior on a fairly consistent basis.  There is a large contingent of these kids that feel the need to call me mister. It is absolutely infuriating. Jamie Moyer is approaching 50 and biased on his strong spring, it looks like Moyer will make the Rockies opening day roster. The guys on the Phillies who are getting “old” could very conceivably call Jamie Moyer mister. I hope he wins 300 games.

Ethan Seidel

Ryan Summers of Crashburn Alley does some things with numbers and math to project the Phillies at around 92 wins. Whether or not this is just some weird form of voodoo economics, i do agree with Ryan that its going to be tough for this team to score runs (thank you second wild card spot).

Two billion dollars! That’s how much Magic Johnson and friends dished out to by the Dodgers. I’m sure the boys from Entourage got a stake in their too, but 2 Billion! I’ll give Magic my blessing on this new investment if and only if he can promise not to do any more NBA “analysis” on ABC.

John Stolnis

I have a one-year old. He uses diapers every day. I change many diapers during the course of a day. It is not fun, although it’s not as gross as I though it was going to be. My son is a very neat pooper. Unless he’s running around the house without a diaper on, in which case the living room carpet becomes his diaper.

We’ve since learned never to let him go anywhere without a diaper. But in the thousands of times I have changed my son’s diaper, not once have I thought to myself, “if only I had a diaper that would not only protect my furniture from my son’s bowel movement but also demonstrate my love of the Philadelphia Phillies.” Fortunately, the good people in the Phillies organization have done that thinking for me…

And the Los Angeles Dodgers have been sold to a group headlined by Magic Johnson for $2 billion. That’s BILLION dollars. It makes me wonder how much the Phillies are worth. Probably about 8 jillion dollars. Why does this matter to Phillies fans? Because it’s just more proof that if the Phillies don’t lock up Cole Hamels to a fair-market deal, the Dodgers will. Believe it.