Phast Phive: Phreak Out


And the Phanatic’s Official MLB Kill Squad takes another victim.

John Ricco

Over at Fangraphs, Marc Hulet give us his Top 100 prospects list, not that the internet really needed another one. But while most of these types of ranking systems only had a single player in the Phillies’ organization cracking the top 100, this one has four. Maybe our farm system doesn’t suck that much, after all.

Who doesn’t enjoy upcoming pitching prospects, breaking balls, and analyzing pitchers’ mechanics? Well, probably a lot of people. But if you do happen to be into those things, Bill Baer provided some .gif images of Phillippe Aumont throwing a nasty slider/curve/slurve/something in Sunday’s game.

Justin Klugh

"“Maybe our farm system doesn’t suck that much, after all.”–John Ricco"

Obviously we’re getting a little delirious for baseball here at TBOH HQ.   But it’s difficult to even get psyched about the season starting when so many of our players are missing.  Earlier, in the before time, Chase Utley and Charlie Manuel both said our starting second baseman wouldn’t be playing every inning through the spring.  “Don’t freak out,” Chase told us.  So we didn’t.

Now we are.  And it’s only fair; we’re a fanbase born out of paranoia and irrational thought.  If they’re going to start actually doing the crazy things we’re accusing them of, then we can’t be blamed for burning City Hall to the ground.  It’s in the original town charter.  Look that shit up.\

At least Vance just slaughtered the Pirates.

John Stolnis

Jim Thome hasn’t played first base regularly since the Bush Administration. OK, it was the second Bush Administration, so I guess it wasn’t THAT long ago. Still, it’s been a while since Old Man James has worn a glove and stood on a field for nine innings at a time. Hey, nobody’s complained, so if you’re Jim Thome, why rock the boat, right?

However, with Howard’s foot now morphing into some kind of gelatinous goo-like substance, the Phils are curious as to whether Thome can actually stand up to the rigors of bending over and putting his left foot on first base for a full nine innings. And, after one minor league game, the old guy is a bit sore. Honestly, if Thome can give them ANYTHING at first base, it’ll be a plus.

Hey, if you like good writing and you like the Phillies (and if you’re checking out this website on a regular basis, the answer to that question is obvious), check out this online book chronicling the 2012 Phillies, at it happens, by Dawn In Philadelphia. Good stuff.

And, finally, no one likes umpires, right? We’d all be happier if baseball were adjudicated by robots, TV cameras and instant replay, right? Unfortunately, the umpires’ union seems to be having a little bit of a problem with this dream, which is why they’ve helped kill the use of expanded replay in MLB in 2012. How much longer must we have these awful humans ruining our fair game?

Ethan Seidel

The guys over at bleacher report have come up with another great Phillies list. This one counts down the most hated Phillies of all-time by opposing fans. It’s hard as a fan to gage the hatred that some of our most beloved players garner from opposing fans. But, this list hasn’t missed any deserving Phillies from past and present. It’s no shocker to find Shane Victorino high on the list, but I won’t give away who’s number one. Let’s just say his last name rhymes with Flotilla.

Look out Phillies fans, the Nationals are trying to compete with us in the culinary arts now too. The Schmitter has a new rival in the Strasburger. 8 lbs of delicious burger sounds a bit excessive, but then again where else are you gonna find 8,000 calories in one meal? This may be more than the common man can handle, but i’m sure there will be plenty of fans who will lineup for the meet-filled challenge. Much like its name sake you will probably succumb to injury before going the distance.

Tony DiStefano

I realize that a lot of things that get posted on MLB trade rumors are speculative, but we have seem general soreness turn into some unpronounceable condition in which your leg falls off in the near future. I have begun weeping and gathering platelet rich blood for Chase Utley’s knee.

I am pretty sure that Carlos Beltran is insinuating that God hates the Mets.