Phast Phive: a Weekly Dumping of Phillies Internetisms


Ah, Pat Burrell.  A #1 draft pick.  A seed-spreader.  Gone, now.  Retired.  A man in transition.  A life reflected on the pages of this site.  Mainly because of how attractive we all are.

As you may have noticed, TBOH has morphed into a strange, five-headed beast these days, instead of the normal two-headed one that remained perched at the foot of your bed that you couldn’t convince anyone else was there.  We have an entire staff now, and each of us has things to say.  Each Wednesday, we’ll be letting you know what those things are with links that send you to other web sites.

Some of us have a lot to say.  Some of us have nothing to say.  Three of us felt like you should read The Good Phight’s recent post on Domonic Brown.  The point is, we all said at least the bare minimum, and took up a little bit more of the internet.


I just started reading “Drinking Coffee with a Fork,” so it’s a remarkable coincidence that the Hardball Times just mentioned it has been 10,000 days since he set the Phillies win record.  It’s also an amazing coincidence that this post was run during a fairly uninteresting portion of the baseball calendar, when people might be reaching for inane anniversaries to celebrate.  Hell, it’s either that or finding out about what is currently impressing Ricky Bottalico.  The usually furious ex-Phillies closer is a hard guy to impress, so it’s no wonder why a small community that likes sports really floored him.

Did you see Moneyball?  I just did.  Brad Pitt sure is handsome.  He also eats a lot on camera and smacks his lips.  Then he gets shouted at by a guy who is not Tom Selleck, then Jonah Superbad saves his life, and together, they save Oakland from a violent business tycoon who intends to turn all of the Bay Area’s currency into sportsballs.

Anyway it’s been nominated for six Oscars.


Matt Gelb of the Philly Inquirer breaks down the the how the luxury tax affects the Phillies. The Phillies increased payroll will come close to the tax threshold, but they will still have some wiggle room.

Mathew Poullot of Hardball Talk compiled a dubious list of the worst all-stars at each position. Poullot did his research compiling this list, reaching all the way back to 1939 to fill out the roster.

John S.

Back before Charlie Manuel became manager of the Phillies and brought his other-worldy baseball-zen-like presence to the organization, it’s easy to forget just how much turmoil was surrounding the Phils on a daily basis. Much of it was due to the hyper-intense managing style of Larry Bowa, who made his players feel as relaxed as an incontenence patient. It all came to a head in September of 2003 when the Phils abrupty cut their best pinch-hitter Tyler Houston, who was a vocal critic of Bowa’s.

I mention all this because Pat Burrell retired this week, and Houston’s issues with Bowa affected Burrell in a big way. The big reason for Houston’s release was because the front office believed Houston, along with Todd Pratt and Jason Michaels, were a bad influence on a still-very-young Pat the Bat. Burrell was struggling through his worst season as a professional at the time, in his fourth year, at 26, hitting just .209/.309/.404 with 21 HRs and 61 RBIs.

As part of the Phillies own version of NWO, all the Bench Dawgs decided to dye their hair blonde, as a show of disrespect to Bowa. Clearly, this was a time when Burrell was a bit impressionable, leading to this look, chronicled by the blog View From Section 16, featuring a blonde-haired Burrell, doing his best “I’m an albino murderer” look.

I also wanted to pass along this link from a site I like to read quite a bit, The Good Phight. Taco Pal, who I think I share a brain with because we always seem to take the same positions and have the same ideas on the same issues at the same time, beat me to the punch on his column concerning Domonic Brown. I was planning on writing this very same column (not word for word of course) this week, but dang that Taco Pal and his speedy typing fingers. Anyway, he crystalized EXACTLY what I think about Dom Brown spending most of 2012 in AAA. It’s a good read.

Finally, this isn’t a Phillies-centric link, but it does have a little to do with the Phils. Topps has begun releasing images of their 2012 cards, and the Skip Schumaker card is enough to make everyone roll their eyes, as well as cause Schumaker to consider phoning his lawyer. Seriously? The squirrel? Still? A squirrel is nothing more than a rat with a furry tail that can climb trees. Did i really need its own baseball card? And was it really more important than Schumaker? Wait, now that I think about it…


This article makes me hate Eli Manning and Derek Jeter simultaneously (EDITOR’S NOTE: Were you not already doing that?)

Wait for Domonic Brown to develop into an everyday player, not into Laynce Nix. Everyone should relax.

John R.

Ken Rosenthal thinks the Phillies should pay Cole Hamels.

If the Phillies Send Domonic Brown to Triple-A, That’s Okay