Colorado Rockies Offer Jamie Moyer Chance for Career-Ending Injury
By Justin Klugh
You probably thougth Jamie Moyer was dead, didn’t you? Well, you’re quite misinformed, because as usual, Jamie Moyer is incredibly alive.
Jamie’s career has been all about the kids: Having them, helping them; heck, a couple centuries ago, he probably was one. You think he was just born an even-tempered middle aged adult human? Actually, now that I’ve introduced that concept, I feel that it’s the most likely.
The point is, Jamie has done a lot of things for a lot of people. Hell I once saw Jamie Moyer punch a brick wall while in the throes of a hallucinogenic bender. But people told me, “That’s not Jamie Moyer, that’s that guy who lives in the alley and tries to bribe kids in the local little league to throw their games, Homeless Joe Jackson.”
However, the one thing Jamie’s never done is retired from baseball. He’s keeping that streak alive this season with an offer from the Colorado Rockies to play in their minor league system and even show up for a shot on the big club in 2012.
That’s right, it’s 2012, and we’re still talking about Jamie Moyer playing pro ball. And he’ll probably do it, too. I mean, I’m not a doctor. If I was, I would probably say “Jamie, most men you’re age can’t even handle looking certain family members face, let alone getting their bodies in the physical shape it requires to successfully play a professional sport. Just end this insanity before an important part of you dies forever.”
But like I said, I’m not a doctor. I’m just a casual observer who yells at the TV sometimes. And from where I’m sitting–a chair–this Jamie Moyer story could stand to get a little longer. Why? Because it’s gone on this long, so why the hell couldn’t he make himself into resilient piece of meat for another year? Sure, we might see him end his career on a far more demoralizing note if he accidentally rips something critical and collapses in heap, voiding his bowels in the process. But what are the odds of somebody voiding their bowels on the baseball field? Not very high, I hope.
Seriously. He’s already proven he can perform far beyond expectations. He certainly won’t win a Cy Young and he may not even finish with a winning record. But so will hundreds of other guys less than half his age.
So keep on throwing, Jamie. It’s not like anybody could stop you anyways.