Ruben Amaro Reporting Repairs on Ryan Howard Going Great


After a tearjerking goodbye to his rascal, Ryan Howard said hello to his new mystic best friend, leg boot.  Now it seems that even leg boot is out of the picture, and Ryan has moved onto kind of moving around like a human being would do.  A human being that isn’t writhing around in immense pain on the ground while his enemies danced around him.

So he has come a long way if they are saying he has been cleared for “baseball activities,” like jogging underwater.  Whatever the case, Ryan will begin getting stronger again, which is good for us, good for him, good for the team, good for Jim Thome and Ty Wigginton, and bad for baseballs that don’t appreciate it when a person puts them 400 feet away.

The full resumption of his baseballing is now said to be the middle of February, when… when that’s scheduled to happen anyway.  My god.  He is healing so quickly, we won’t even know that he’s gone.

In the mean time, Ryan is going to start practicing fielding groundballs for some reason.  Honestly, I feel the best physical therapy for Big Piece would be to leave him in the woods with a bat and not come back until all the wolves are dead.  It will improve his reflexes and get him back into the “swing” of things.  Ha ha ha.  Ha.

So, you see?  When people tell you the other NL East teams are getting better, just tell them Ryan Howard is fine.  And when they say, “Excuse me?  I was just asking you if you wanted a copy of your receipt,” you can say, “You’re god damn right you’re sorry,” and sprint out of the grocery store with your arms full of oranges.

The most disturbing part in all of this is that Ruben Amaro was described as “relatively chipper” while delivering the news, which means something especially smug has happened somewhere in the universe.  Probably on that new planet.  Seems pretty proud of itself.