Phillies Ask You to Remember, Cheer for Dontrelle Willis


Dontrelle Willis just signed a deal for a single year that is worth less than a million dollars, making it much like any deal I will sign in the next few months.  Will mine also be with the Phillies?  Only time will tell.

Ruben Amaro and his crack squad of name-signers have once again preempted their latest signing with deception and trickery.  Allowing us all to think they were in on George Sherrill for his left-handedness, they have now signed Dontrelle Willis to fill what we can only hope is the same role and not compete for a spot in the rotation because dear god no.

The deal also includes “performance bonuses,” which they probably included while snickering.

Anyways, they have reached the part of a deal with a pitcher where Rich Dubee steps out of the shadows in the corner of the room and cracks his neck while staring sinisterly at the player who has just finished his signature.  Whatever’s wrong with Willia, Dubee will identify it, and though he may not necessarily fix it, he will know what it is and try to convince Willis to avoid it.

However, the more disturbing aspect of this deal is the leak that spread it further than intended.  Apparently, someone out there has a similar email address as Phillies VP of HR Kathy Killian, and will occasionally get emails meant for Kathy.  From Ruben Amaro.  Announcing trades.

Fortunately, no deranged secrets were in the email.  It was straight forward and actually very boring.  But who knows what insider Phillies information could be sent out?

And what sort of repercussions will there be from Ruben, knowing that his ironclad fortress of trust has been compromised?  We may not ever see him again.  He may choose to exist as a disembodied voice in phone interviews, denying public appearances, and signing players via Skype from remote locations in the mountains.  Right now, he’s probably pulling his daughters out of school and putting them in the bunker “…just until it’s safe again.”

Though as he locks the door behind him and breaks the key off, he knows damn well that it will never be safe.

Not ever.