Red Sox Trying to Fill Post Season Void with Pete Mackanin


You know when an animal is really sick and it wanders into your yard during a wiffle ball game?  But its normally like a cute animal that everyone loves or at least tolerates but because of all the disease it’s become a vicious, slobbering, stumbling, mangy freak from your nightmares.

And so you gather all the kids up and move them to the other side of the yard and even though this animal is the protagonist in so many storybooks you’ve read them, you make sure to stand between them and it while it finishes snarling at an old tennis ball and dying.

The point is, that animal is suffering and now it wants to take what’s yours.  Its a lot like the Red Sox trying to poach our bench coach Pete Mackanin because of that terrible end to the season they had.

Maybe someone should stand between Pete and the Red Sox holding a bright orange wiffle ball bat; not threateningly, but ready to bash something’s disease-ridden brains out if the need should arise.

"“It’s nice to see my name come up.  At the same time, right now all my thoughts are on (the Phillies) and what we have to do, and we don’t need any distractions. We need all the focus we can get these next couple of days. I’ll worry about the rest of it afterward.”–Pete Mackanin"

Pete Mackanin’s career opportunities are just the type of frightful cataclysm that sends Roy Halladay into an unfocused downward spiral.  So before we turn away from this issue and concentrate on things that matter, like which of our chemical dependencies to engage during tomorrow’s totally stress free game five, let’s ask ourselves the clearly most important question.  Who is to blame?

The Red Sox?

They’re in pain and they want someone, anyone, else to feel as badly as they do.  Maybe because of all those Phillies-Red Sox World Series predictions, they see us as a version of themselves and want to inflict some damage.

Pete Mackanin?

Well maybe if he was a little less irresistable, people would stop wanting to have him around so badly.

The Phillies?

But if WE appreciated him and didn’t take him for granted, he wouldn’t be so excited about the chance to go somewhere else and be loved.

Kyle Kendrick?

Come on, what are the odds Kyle has done NOTHING wrong lately?

The Economy?

I mean its so bad.

Whatever it is, we should be grateful that Pete hasn’t been so immediately corrupted by potential power that he is already trying to destroy from within.  Unless he is.  In which case, perhaps we should feed him to the Phanatic’s feral cousin while we still have the chance.