Phillies Game Ruined by Potentially Evil Squirrel


It is human nature to be suspicious.  In fact, its only healthy to be a little suspicious all the time.  How do you think we caught all the Communists?  By deducing that everyone who is a little different is up to something sinister, despicable, and wrong/sexy.

Which is why I’m so suspicious of this squirrel.  Who is he?  What was he doing here?  Was it something sinister or sexy?  Why did the Phillies lose after he appeared?  Where did he go?

I don’t want to be the guy who automatically assumes a squirrel is from another demented universe, sent here to curse a baseball team, but like I said, it pays to be endlessly suspicious of everything.  That’s how I got all my friends.

“Friends” being the code name I use when describing the rows of newspaper clippings I have on my bedroom walls.

After seconds of internet research, I came upon one publication that confirms my healthy suspicions–and surprise, surprise, its a St. Louis-based media outlet.

"“…here at Daily RFT we like to think that a varmint deserves at least partial credit for Freese’s 6th-inning blast.”–Chad Garrison, Riverfront Times"

A-ha!  Nothing like an uncredible source to prove I’m not crazy!

Lest we forget, this isn’t the first time this exact squirrel has appeared on the field during the NLCS.  Not content with the camera time he received in last night’s contest, the creature showed up again tonight and was sure to run through the batter’s box.  Its not the Phillies’ fault that the Cardinals play in a ramshackle, rodent-infested sewer, so there’s no reason they should have to suffer because of it.

At least the series moves back to Philadelphia, where we are civilized enough to let our fans be the ones who run out onto the field and disrupt everything by being assholes.