Citizens Bank Park is First to Welcome Enormous Robot Overlords


Citizens Bank Park has long been your home for family friendly Philadelphia Phillies baseball, but yesterday, we began a new life with a new purpose:  Embracing the tyrannical rule of our new leaders, horrifying robots from the cosmos!

Some may flee in terror, but we for one find the change in leadership refreshing, having grown tired of the repetitive human greed and emotion that so often eclipse the roles of our human politicians.  Perhaps heartless, soulless beings bent on the destruction of our race will serve with the mechanical fortitude our country needs to survive in this time of crisis.  We’re referring to other crises other than the one where giant robots take over the earth.

They may force us into labor camps or make food illegal, but you know what?  Things will be getting done.  And you know what that is?  That’s progress.  

There was a time for humans–it was called “The last few millenia.”  And look what we did to the place!  War, disease, famine, global warming, pollution, the Yankees.  The list goes on.  When these robots murder our leaders and take firm control of the planet, there probably won’t even be lists.  I don’t think there’s even an effective way to communicate with them.  Bloodcurdling screams certainly don’t work, but we have yet to see what the effect of accepting them immediately in hopes of being spared has.

Let us allow the history books to indicate that we did not fight this change; that our human minds allowed us to comprehend that change, in this case, is good; that maybe, just maybe, Planet Earth will stand a chance now that massive cyber-beasts that appeared on a spaceship just before a baseball game are running things.

Before you raise a finger in the air and say one unkind word about the robots, just know that they are completely unstoppable and cannot be reasoned with.