Chase Utley Receives Head Trauma; Haunted by Visions of Creepy Girl


Chase Utley was in the middle of one of those at bats we like to see him have last night when Eric O’Flaherty nailed him in the back of a head with a pitch.  After continuing to play, Chase was out in the field when he started having headaches, tasting blood, blacking out, and seeing flickering images of a young girl who’d been murdered 100 years ago that night.

"“I talked to him, he’s acting like he’s doing OK, they are just doing tests on him.”–Charlie Manuel"

Chase expressed a somewhat shaken reassurance that he was okay, but was unable to sleep that night and seemed overly disturbed when the wind blew open a door.  However, his uneasiness seemed to hit a fever pitch the following morning when a neighbor mentioned their orange tabby cat was missing, matching the description of a cat owned by the little girl from his visions; a fact he’d discovered when his wife discovered a grainy family photo of the family that used to live in the Utleys’ house under their marital bed.

In response to the incident, the Phillies reactivated the far less intense and more appropriate for children Jimmy Rollins, whose charming smile will entice a wider demographic of fans.

Meanwhile, Chase has traveled to Philadelphia to meet with an eerie doctor in a weirdly isolated office, who many are presuming will run some tests before muttering something cryptic and shocking to move the plot along, yet ultimately clear nothing up.  His wife has felt increasingly distant from her once attentive and loving husband, left to make concerned grimaces in the car while remaining unaware of the ominous shadows stalking her from a nearby alley.

No word yet on the ghost of that little girl, so we’re just going to send some less important ancillary players down a dank hallway lit by a single swinging light bulb.  Rumors also persist that a more high profile Phillie could be put in harm’s way in order to increase the shock value of any threats.