Series 6-Pack: “This team is the Island of Misfit Toys”


Jordan Campbell is one of those classy guys who gives thoughtful, intelligent responses when asked questions, instead of just doing a quick search for dick jokes inside his own brain every time he sees a question mark.  You gotta appreciate a guy like that.  Unfortunately, my answers to his questions will be appearing on Cubbies Crib, so, you know.  The universe will be balanced out.

1.  How does it feel to have other teams hungrily eyeing Cubs players, like sleazy businessmen prepared to shove briefcases full of money down their pants?

It actually is a very good feeling. With the exception of Darwin Barney, Starlin Castro, and Matt Garza this team is the island of misfit toys. We have a starting pitcher who turns into the incredible hulk, a closer who can’t throw strikes, a third baseman who only plays when his team is out of contention, and a left fielder who may be older than his baseball card shows. So by all means, those teams would be doing every Cubs fan a huge favor.

2.  Mike Quade recently determined that in order for the Cubs to get better, the pitching will need to “improve.”  How do you see this awesome plan playing out?

The top 3–Garza, Zambrano, and Dempster–are getting better. Though that does not mean anything to Randy Wells or even the lost hope that is our fifth starter spot. To be honest, I do not see the Cubs pitching getting better. Garza has been as good as advertised, Dempster with the exception of April has been usual self, and Zambrano has been nothing but inconsistent this whole season, so I really do not anticipate anything to change regarding those three. Wells has been all kinds of bad this season, and has been for really the past two seasons. And do I even have to mention the have-beens that have been used as the Cubs’ fifth starter this season.

3.  Its being reported that the hyped Wrigleyville West entertainment district project will include a “a pathway with a lawn,” and by “include” I mean “be.”  How many good times do you plan to have in this wild addition to Chicago’s night life?

I still have 3 more years before I can truly enjoy the night life of Wrigleyville, but I have heard many stories about that area. Needless to say, it will be one of my hot-spots once I turn of age.

4.  Chicago is currently in the midst of a cultural change in climate, through which the town is slowly being repopulated with professional wrestlers.  C.M. Punk threw out the first pitch at the Cubs game on Friday and it was the only one of the four game series the Cubs won.  Was this a coincidence, or a sign that what the Cubs have been missing for 100+ years is a small injection of professional wrestling?

And C.M. Punk won the championship yesterday. Chicago is in the midst of preparing a championship parade for Punk. The Cubs need something alright, maybe they can trade with the WWE. I know Zambrano could be a very good wrestler.

5.  Do you agree with the Chicago Sun-Times that “Darwin Barney is why you should keep watching the Cubs?”  Or do you believe there is a single other reason?

Starlin Castro, Starlin Castro, and did I mention Starlin Castro.

6. Your thoughts:

I wonder if it is too late to put some money of a perfect game?