Jose Contreras is Also Now Dead


Jose Contreras and his strained flexor pronator tendon in his right elbow are joining Brad Lidge in closer-heaven.

In celebration of the second Phillies closer to hit the DL this season, the Phillies have brought up Spring Training beat writers’ favorite Michael Stutes, who boasted an impressive preseason, the statistics of which will be available on many other Phillies blogs written by people not currently growing increasingly insane while stranded in an airport.

Is this a big deal?  Please.  Its the 15-day disabled list.  That’s like where people go when the trainer runs out of cortisone shots.

Is that not what a cortisone shot looks like?  If so, don’t tell me.  Ignorance is its own reward.

Also, when is the last time you saw an “lights out” Jose Contreras save?  It seems like he can’t go three outs without a single and a walk and a hit batsman and then like a line out or something.

Plus, Scott Boras is Ryan Madson’s agent.  How long do you think he was going to let his client sit in the set-up man’s role; the “back up guitarist” of the bullpen?  In fact, I’d go so far as to wager that Scott Boras hired people to break into Jose Contreras’ house while he slept and strained his plexor cro magnonator just to give Ryan his “shot,” because the Phillies sure weren’t going to give it to him.

Lastly, this gives Michael Stutes his chance to break through and kick ass.  Or perhaps he will strike up a friendly kinship with Kyle Kendrick, and become unwittingly infected with his terribleness.  Maybe this is the worst thing that could have ever happened.

I’ve written myself into a hole here, so I’m just going to move on without addressing the nightmare scenario that I have inexplicably created.

Injuries open doors I guess, whether they give others opportunities, or you use someone’s broken leg to keep an elevator door from closing.

Get well soon, Jose.  Have a round of cortisone shots on me.