Cole Hamels Confession Opens the Door to Honesty
By Justin Klugh
Ryan Lawrence reported yesterday that not only did Cole Hamels hear the boos raining down on him after his last start, he accepted them and admitted to hurling out a few of his own. Which was nice to hear, but it undeniably changes things.
What Cole should have said would have been the tune of “If you don’t like what you’re seeing, the Flyers are winning their first game in six attempts right across the street.” Fortunately, he chose not to hate us for life and will probably be cool with our childlike behavioral 180 in the future when he pitches well.
He needs is a name with an “oooo” sound in it, like Chooch and Raul, so people can’t distinguish between cheers and boos. It’s called the “Boo-urns Defense,” and I just made it up. Anyone who tells you that joke is played out is a liar and should be booed.I’ve been booed off stage and out of moving cars and into comas. Once, on a remarkably uncinematic road trip, I was booed out of Canada. It happens. Its just a part of growing up, if you had a terrible childhood.
Did you know that in some cases, booing is considered a ghastly abomination, like in St. Louis, or the Pacific Northwest, or weddings? In Philly its how we order food. Obviously, never does it seem more in place than at a sporting event, when something terrible has happened.
But this is new… an athlete booing someone else? Realistically, justice would be served if Cole could travel from place to place in the city and suburbs, waiting for Phillies fans to drop a sandwich or fail at parallel parking or go see Hop and just boo the shit out of them. However, Cole has breached the line by admitting that he has booed in the past, offering at least an acknowledgement of the satisfaction it brings.
Booing is just the quickest way to let someone know you are disgusted by what is happening. That’s why all the Mets have to do in Citizens Bank Park is wear their uniforms before they’re subjected to it. By admitting that he’s booed the Chargers and the Eagles and Adam Eaton, Cole is saying that he is human, bridging the gap between the players and the fans.
Is this the start of a whole new wave of open, honest communication between us? Will Raul call on a Sunday afternoon to vent his frustrations about his kids going away to college? Will Shane burst into tears before confessing that he hasn’t slept in six years? Will Ryan Howard admit he feels like he’s always a triple away from the cycle… of life?
Of course it is. Because these are the Phillies, and even if they don’t know our names, or what we look like, or what we think about them, they are our friends. And there’s nothing crazy about that, right? Right. Nothing crazy at all.
Now I have to go boo myself up some lunch.