Harry Kalas to be Commemorated with Giant Version of Self


Going to work every day and staring Harry Kalas in the face must be a humbling, eerie experience at this point.  We miss him every day; moreso on days when T-Mac’s shrill delivery and Sarge’s goofy wtf-isms combine for a Delaware County-wide facepalm.  But very soon, thanks to the efforts of a dedicated sculptor standing on a table, we’ll soon have a giant version of Harry to sit under.

If I remember correctly, Harry Kalas was not seven and a half feet tall.  For a long time, I thought he was just a disembodied voice, floating to and from work to the bus to the very nice apartment to the squeaky tones of his adorable little voice-family.  But, being a human being, Harry had legs and arms and a torso, just like the rest of us, and now all of his body parts will be commemorated at some point somewhere near Citizens Bank Park.

There are few things that could be approved faster than a Harry Kalas statue in Philadelphia.

  • Another Gold Glove for Derek Jeter, today.
  • A cyborg knee for Chase Utley
  • Boobs
  • A second Gold Glove for Jeter in case the first one doesn’t get to him fast enough

Yet, the process has dragged on for some time, as if we live in some city that doesn’t have a restaurant named after Harry Kalas.  Finally, its inevitable approval has been granted, and we get out first look at a masterpiece.

The statue will present Harry in a suit, standing casually, as if he’s waiting for someone to talk to him at a cocktail party.  His hands are in his pockets and a casual, knowing smile is across his bronzed face, as if to say, “Go ahead, drunk people outside Citizens Bank Park.  Slap me on the crotch.  See if you still feel good about it in the morning.”