Who Knows What Brad Lidge’s “Bicep Soreness” Actually Is


So we discovered several days back that Ruben is celebrating his new deal with a healthy dosage of secrets and lies.  The status of Chase Utley’s knee was of great importance to throngs of fans clinging to their keyboards, and everyday the story seemed to spit more and more blood.  Soreness became tendinitis.  Tendinitis became cholera.  Cholera became Michael Young.

Now, another key player is sitting out a game.  Normally, I’d wave it off  and go back to getting struck out by C.J. Wilson for four straight innings in the MLB 11: The Show demo.  However, given the nest of deception we’ve stumbled upon recently, Brad Lidge may already be dead.They call it “bicep soreness.”

“…just wanted to back him off for a couple days,” Ruben Amaro casually breezed to the Inquirer. What an unalarming thing to say, Ruben, and thank you for being so open and comforting in this time of imbalance.

But let’s rewind the security tape for a moment and take a quick gander at what Phillies management had to say about Chase Utley’s absence from Spring Training Camps about two and a half weeks ago.

"“He’s definitely not injured,” Manuel said. “He’s fine. He’ll be out there next week.”—Philadelphia Inquirer"

Not only is it free from ominous clouding and cold hearted deceit, but this statement gives us a time table on the condition.  Do you know how welcome a time table would be right now?  He strained his cartilage, he wasn’t kidnapped by Somali pirates.  We’d like to be able to know when we’re getting him back.

Also there’s something about the phrase “He’s definitely not injured” that leads me to believe that the person in question is totally fine.

Sure, maybe Charlie just didn’t want to be the bringer of sad tidings; maybe watching the faces of 20 reporters crumble into perplexed grimaces was too much for that afternoon.  And while I’m not going to sit here and say we were lied to, it is clear at this point that what was said was the opposite of the truth.

Not that we need to know everything.  Clearly some of us are walking around Philadelphia, constantly just a nudge or two away from inconsolable paranoia and a complete mental breakdown.  “Information” is just feeding the flames of insanity.

But it does bring us back to my original point; that Brad Lidge sitting out today’s game against the Astros could be what the headline says it means.  Or it could be the total fucking opposite. We are officially living in a world where either is totally possible.

Let’s conclude this conspiratorial glimpse behind the Phillies curtain with a bit of shameless self promotion.  Read Cardinals 70‘s interview with four Phillies bloggers on our predictions for 2011.  I  open things up by screaming “FUCK” and then predict the lowest Phillies win total of the group with “100.”

Mighty fine read.