Charlie Manuel Dreams of Team that is All Pitchers


In an “article” that could have easily been trimmed into a tweet, Bob Brookover knowingly elbowed Philadelphia with this charming anecdote about a hypothetical world where the Phillies cast away the hefty, lopsided facade of a rotation that includes four aces in favor of a much more realistic five aces.  I mean, let’s not kid ourselves.  Once we got three, all we were thinking was “…can we get four?!’  And now that there’s been four since December, we’re basically starving to death.

"“See if we can work David Price into our rotation.”—Charlie Manuel"

It’s like when you aren’t paying attention while driving to work and miss the exit, and then you see the sign that indicates the next state is only a few hundred miles away, and you’re like “Well, I’ve come this far, my family’s not really going to notice if the sole breadwinner disappears for a year or two.  The recession can’t last forever.  Brian’s almost 13 and just placed 6th in a spelling bee.  I’d say he’s ready to take charge of a household.”

And then your boss calls and he’s like “You’re fired for what you said about me on your Phillies blog,” and you’re like “Well, I guess I’ll just drive around aimlessly all day,” and the next thing you know, you’ve been doing that for four months and your family’s only just now realizing there’s no money coming in.

That’s what being greedy gets you.

So, sure, Charlie may have been making the suggestion in a folksy, joking manner [EDITOR’S NOTE: Yeah, that’s just how he talks].  Price had just struck out six Phillies in five innings, so Charlie was probably masking the horrific humiliation by pretending to laugh.  I do it all the time.  One time, my son finished 6th in a spelling bee and instead of shrieking at him in an auditorium full of proud grandparents, I merely stood up, laughed maniacally, and ran out of the room [EDITOR’S NOTE: The author has no children.  I cannot explain the origin of this story].

But the fifth ace seed is planted.  Ruben just got his contract extended.  And who would actually be surprised if his equivalent of popping the cork off a bottle of bubbly was to go out there and steal a fifth ace, just for the laughs?  It better be nobody at this point.