The Time Has Come to Destroy’s Autoplay Ads


There you are, cruising around the internet.  As we all know, the internet was created solely to support the crippling weight of Philadelphia Phillies blogs, their many fans, and their many, many rational thoughts.

So anyways, you’re cruising around on that internet I was just talking about.  You inevitably drift toward a Phillies news story; maybe Ryan Howard ate a giant novelty sandwich or Wilson Valdez accidentally grounded one of his kids into a double play.  No matter what the case, it’s a story with a Phillies logo on it, so naturally, you want to use the internet for the reason it was created.

A couple sentences into this affair, your world is shattered by an ear-splitting car commercial, which, if heard through headphones, has exploded your brains.  Your lifeless body slumps out of your office chair, eardrums traumatically and irreversibly bruised, and quietly thuds against the living room floor.  The room is now still, save for the remaining few seconds on your computer screen where’s precious Toyota Camry video darts around for a bit, and the occasional involuntary twitch allowed by your devastated nervous system.

Only tomorrow will you be discovered, as your kids wonder aloud why daddy decided to sleep face down on the living room floor and with blood trickling out of his ear canals.

It is the end for you.  All because decided that its advertisement for a Camry was so critical to your existence that it decided to play it for you, regardless of any desire on your part to hear it.