Just Like You Thought, Phillies Rotation are All Best Friends


Like most sets of best friends, Cliff Lee and Roy Oswalt first met when they were on drugs.  Only the main components of the story were “anesthesia” and “groin/hernia surgery,” not “LCD Soundsystem” and “whatever was left in the baggie.”

Harry, Clifton, Roy, and Colbert have been palling around since changing your first name was cool.  And they invented it, so they’ve been hanging around together for a while now, being way cool.  They share many hobbies, such as pitching in the Major Leagues, weighing at least 190 lbs. , and hunting and fishing, except for Cole.

In a recent interview, Roy Oswalt discussed the fraternity that has formed amongst the crew, and described how they feel like they’re “missing out” when one of them actually has to leave the bench and pitch.

A fan poll on CSN last night illustrated that 36% of us–the majority in this case–were most impressed by Joe Blanton more than anybody else out of the five of them.  Of course, as someone pointed out to me in the bar while I gleefully pointed at the TV with a dart in my hand, “…who else in that group would really need to impress you?”

The important thing is that they are impressing each other.  And also that they are very good at pitching. That helps.  It’s like finding out all the Mega Man villains were actually best buds.  But in that case, they would have to overcome being inhumane sentient robots first.  Most of this rotation is not only human, but also stand at the head of significant charities.  So they’re not even close to that comparison I just made, making it pretty close to irrelevant.

“…they’re a pretty close group,” Rich Dubee muttered, waking up on his customary pile of old, jagged car parts he sleeps on to keep getting tougher even in his sleep.

Team chemistry is a pleasant garnish to talent and good fortunes, but there’s no way it can win a championship on its own.  I once [narrowly] beat out a kid three years younger than me with vision problems for a starting first base spot.  I had played so desperately because the alternative to making the team–the one with all my friends on it–was to play on the lower team with all the kids with snot stains on their jerseys.  We had a great time that season, going 2-13.  The obscenities I picked up from parents and coaches have made this blog what it is today.

Thankfully, the Phillies have the skill and the experience–so the revelation of their friendship is only further evidence of their potential dominance.

By the 10th loss, would I have left my teammates on a desert island just to get one more taste of infrequent victory?  Yes.  But come on.  Do you really expect the Phillies to lose ten times?