Phillies are Basically the Perfect Team
By Justin Klugh
And I’m not just saying that because I’m trying to put together my all-division team for FanSided and most of them are turning out to be Phillies. I’m saying it because look at this headline that also says the same exact thing, as long as you stop reading before the words “…For Fantasy.”Fantasy baseball is a mythic beast slumbering all of the winter under a bridge while the snows of December and January fall soundlessly around it. Snoring monstrously, it is awoken on the first day of spring, crushing the bridge into splinters as it arises and devouring the first humans it comes upon for sustenance. What I’m saying, by way of a hyperbolic, useless metaphor, is that fantasy baseball is more intense when baseball is being played. Now you know that, too. Consider yourself educated.
Fantasy Knuckleheads brings the news that while the Phillies may be a strong bet for your team, their specific park factor is also a credit to their numbers. What I like to think, however, is that the park itself is a reflection of the team playing inside it.
Always considered a hitter’s park (I was still considering it that until I read the information that said it was not true), CBP once housed an offensive dynamo, capable of creating shrieks of joy from fantasy owners all summer long, with extremely noticeable month-long droughts sprinkled in between. Now, the Phillies have obviously evolved into a team who would rather focus on their pitching, while hoping the strong offense can resurge by itself.
And CBP, it seems, has also been worn down by the shift, becoming more of “neutral” site than a “home run boner” over the last three years. It’s nice to think of the Bank as a sentient, all-knowing entity, gently shadowing its tenants. Wait, no. That’s a terrifying thought. Let’s burn that place to the ground.
I liked the part about Ryan Howard stealing more bases at home. GIVE ‘IM THE GREEN LIGHT IN ’11. Hey, you never know. We’ve got Perlozzo coaching first now. Maybe he’s insane.