Phillies, Don Larsen, and Asshole Ex-Senator Sign Autographs


Jim Bunning, a Phillies legend, former U.S. Senator, and senile old coot, was recently part of a contingency of personalities collected to sign autographs.  While Jim managed to keep his shit together long enough not to give anyone the finger or swear he is immortal, the real story was more about the meeting of Roy Halladay and Don Larsen, the only two pitchers to ever be convicted of murder by telekinesis.

Like I have to tell you what they actually have in common.Woody Paige once called Don Larsen the greatest Yankee who ever lived.  That was the day I stopped watching “Around the Horn,” which was ironically also the day they shut off my cable.  But having idiots say incorrect words about you doesn’t tarnish your legend; because if it did, Roy Halladay would be a forgotten nobody, thanks to this blog.  What was it, one paragaph ago I was accusing them of killing people together?

The point is, the two of them were in the same room for the first time, leading baseball journalists everywhere to cream their pants and assume the Stargate would finally open.

Halladay told a reporter that they had spoken on the phone once, but never met in person.  Which begs the question:  Are baseball players obligated to contact people who break their records and/or meet their accomplishments?  Is that one of the unwritten rules?

I imagine there’s a certain level of resentment involved in that, like when Hank Aaron just showed up via previously recorded video after Barry Bonds’ 756th home run.  But Larsen may have been lonely up there, being the only guy to have done what he and Doc did.  Plus, it helps that Doc isn’t a PED-pumping asshole.

Placido Polanco, Cliff Lee, and Domonic Brown were all there, too, but apparently everybody shunned them in favor of the baseball magic happening right in front of them.