MLB is at it again, scheming up lists for us to snarl at, or commend, or just stare at blankly without understanding. I am of course above any of this kind of behavior, except for today, when I will engage in all three.
Whatever the paragraphs of text actually say, just know that Dom Brown is one place lower than Bryce Harper. Yes, that Bryce Harper; the one with the pretty boy name and the weird makeup and the baditude.
MLB insinuates that while the Phillies may be having a free-for-all this spring to see who the best right fielder in the kingdom really is, they want it to be Dom Brown. Personally, I want it to be “someone.” What I mean by that is we’ve heard the term “platoon” so many times this off season I feel like I’ve been watching Platoon for three months straight [EDITOR’S NOTE: Not sure if the word “platoon” is ever said out loud in Platoon].
If somebody from camp comes in and performs so well they just win the job, then I don’t care who it is, give it to him. Dom Brown? Awesome. Wave of the future. Ben Francisco? Sure, get out there. Ross Gload? I mean… okay, fire away. Delwyn Young? What? No. Get him out of here.
They credit Brown and Harper with the same attributes; granted, at differing skill levels, but the same things: Hitting for power, hitting for average, speed, throwing. The only Harper gets points for that Dom doesn’t is “attitude.” But I disagree. Dom’s got attitude, it just isn’t “weird, uppity dorkus”-tude that Harper seems to have, whether he’s crushing the ball 800 feet or faltering at the hands of Josh Zeid.
There was a banner in this bar during the NFC Championship for future specials during Phillies games, featuring one of those stock photos of an anonymous baseball player in a Phillies uniform. His face, number, and name were all obscured, but he looked like Dom Brown. Was this an attempt at merchandising toward the future; the Phillies pimping their only plausible starter under 30?
“It looks more like Jimmy Rollins,” my friend said, ruining the theory.
Of course, neither of them are as good as some teenager from Jersey, so, whatever.